DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,
DurAnorak
duranorak

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Still the weekend, still allowed to be rambling and/or cryptic.

In which I directionlessly ramble quite a bit, incredibly pointlessly. About people, and reading minds, or not, and asking people things, and stuff.

In general, I think it's an established thing amongst my friends that we accept that nobody can read anyone else's mind, nor should they be expected to. There are exceptions - my conversations with asrana figure highly amongst these, because we know each other so well that we have to say very little, these days, or sometimes nothing at all, in order to know what the other is thinking. But we only got to that stage through a lot of talking, and asking and answering questions. I expect it's the same for most close friends or partners who would say, if asked, 'It's almost as if they can read my mind'.

But I noticed on Friday night that I was trying to read minds. Not in the way I usually do, which is when I'm deep in conversation with someone and they're talking about something important, when my instinct for knowing roughly what people are thinking can come in very useful.
Mrrr. Where am I going with this? This is one of those posts where what I want to make is A Point, but I can't make the point because it will cause calamity and woe, so I dance around it in an annoyingly obvious way, isn't it? Sigh.

I just...given that it isn't, generally, possible to read minds, I wish it were considered widespread acceptable etiquette to just ask people anything. I wish people were prepared to be asked anything. I don't wish they were prepared to answer anything - there aren't many of us who don't have something they want to keep back. But even *asking* questions of people is this strange thing that you're somehow not supposed to do, at least, not beyond 'Did you get here all right?' and 'So, do you have any pets?' or whatever. I want people to be prepared for me to turn to them and ask them what I really, really want to know, and the things I really want to know are always deeper than that kind of question. I can't help it. Is it just me? I mean, do other people meet people and not care about what makes them who they are?
Yes, yes, I suppose they do.

I find people so fascinating. How can anyone not?

Oh, hang it all. And when someone looks into your eyes and you feel like they're seeing every single thing about you all at once and you think 'My god, I think they like me', if you're me, you suddenly realise that in fact it could just be that they're very like you. And that you do exactly the same thing.
Because I do, you know. I find people so fascinating, and when I look at them I try to look as far into them as I can. I don't dread to think how many people must think I've got a crush on them from that, because the chances are I probably have anyway, but still. So, hey. It might be safer to assume, when someone looks at me with that kind of floodlight 'open up, we know you're in there' look, that however interesting they're finding me, it's no more interesting than they'd be finding anybody else.

Damn. I didn't mean for this to get personal or bitter, but I suppose it was inevitable really - it's been that sort of weekend in places.
Entirely unrelatedly, I want to post talking about BDSM, as well, and headspace stuff, but god, I know it would just turn into, to quote Dylan Moran's internal five-year-old, "I think [the world]'s rubbish, 'cause I can't get stuff I want when I want, and, and, I want a purple chair, and, and MacDonalds, and, and I want, I want them NOW." Also, my Friends aren't reading my journal because they want to hear me talk about BDSM - poor bastards, they put up with enough from me already.
Anyway. That was, as I said, entirely unrelated.

But. I have so many questions. And I can't ask any of them. And it's *annoying*.

Yeah, yeah, feel my damn pain already. ~s~ As you were.

E.
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