DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

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Too late for goodbyes

It's quarter past five in the morning. The birds are waking up. It's 2005, somehow.
I'm too tired for melodrama, too tired to lie and say the evening went well. They always say, whoever they are, 'start as you mean to go on', and I've done that, I've started 2005 with the most unbelievably stupid, stupidly unbelievable angst I could possibly have achieved. Go me. Still not king.

I didn't dress up for the party, with the result that I felt (and looked, mostly) hideous, and I forgot everything I was meant to bring and was confused and useless and embarrassed and awkward and had to keep hiding because there were too many people and almost all of the ones who wanted to talk to me seemed to be ones I wanted to avoid talking to. There were exceptions, of course. People I wanted to cling to, metaphorically at least, because they were people I *wanted* to be around in a sea of people who were just too much for me, and couldn't, because then they wouldn't have tolerated me any longer.

And, oh, god, the angst. ~s~ I know, I know. I'll write a more optimistic update later, when I've had some sleep. Any sleep at all would be good.

Happy New Year, though, boys and girls. May it bring us good things; we deserve them.


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