Nothing to be done now except crawl under a duvet, cry, and beg for sleep. I have got to stop going to that club. Maybe to any of them; when the music is bad, as it was tonight, I have far too much time to think about why everything hurts so much. Tonight I watched someone I love enough to seriously consider changing my entire lifestyle for get lucky; watched people I love who have already been lucky being all loving; watched someone I didn't know, watched him for so long that in the end I had to go up to him and tell him I thought he was beautiful. He was, of course, delighted. He is, of course, taken. I could barely manage to feel glad for all of them, which is shocking and awful. I'm sorry. I tried.