Tonight I walked home across Waterloo bridge, and half way across I stopped and looked out across the water and wondered whether it was I that was real, or the world around me, or whether, possibly, I was real and the world around me was real as well and thus this weekend had all really happened.
On Sunday I went to the Fetish Fair with random_haze and spent much time wandering around looking at shiny things and being alternately gutted that I didn't have any money and glad that I didn't have any money. ~s~ Every now and again - well, fairly often - I'd catch hold of her and spend a few seconds being enchanted and astounded that such a beautiful, adorable and wonderful person had ended up part of my life.
There was also a very shiny man on stilts, which didn't hurt either. ~g~
There followed time spent wandering with corpsie who joined us in Soho, and I don't believe I've yet mentioned what a joy it is to spend time with him, either - someone who takes even more pleasure in this city than I do, understands many of the more bizarre things I say and is still interested in the ones he doesn't understand, and looks absurdly good in almost anything he chooses to wear. Then we came back here, to rejoice in the fact that my mother has finally gone home, watch the DVD of series 1 of Black Books (absurdly silly), series 2 of Urban Gothic (disappointing, really) and series 1 of Spaced (excruciatingly entertaining). There may also have been a certain amount of kisses and suchlike being shared, which is, y'know, always good.
There was angst, but we fought the angst away and crushed it, and it went, and we came out the other side smiling. And this morning (and early afternoon) there were a number of the small revelations people are made of, and many more kisses and snuggles and things. It was just good. And I'm still not sure quite what's going on, but it's fun and involves me getting stroked a lot and having pretty visitors with DVDs, so I'm happy. :)
And halfway through there was a phone call from asrana, whom I love very much. It wasn't a terribly enlightening phone call or anything, but hearing her voice made my day that much better.
Then this afternoon I went out to Liverpool Street to meet giolla for [caffeine] and stuff; over the course of the day we migrated from there to John Lewis's on Oxford Street (closed) to Waterstone's near Picadilly Circus (the same as ever) to St James's Park (beautiful, but eventually cold) to the Porterhouse by Covent Garden (nicer than I remembered).
Wandering round the bits of London that we did we managed to take in a lot of history. Not London history - though of course, that's always there - but our own personal history, the places we'd met two years ago and walked and shared things, and I marvelled at how much none of it hurt and how good it was to be able to walk those streets and pass those places with giolla again and see how much has changed, and how much hasn't. Being able to laugh over shared memories of places - something I once thought I'd never do; places I once thought I'd never go past again without crying. I'm losing coherence slightly, but I've got too many feelings and not enough words. ~smile~
Once settled in the Porterhouse we had a fairly intense and serious talk, which has left me feeling somewhat wrung out but better about pretty much everything. I learned, or at least properly noticed, a lot of things about myself today - ways in which I wouldn't have realised I'd changed without someone there to point them out for me, and the like. I learned a lot full stop, come to that. It was so good to be able to have a talk like that and not be on the verge of tears the whole time, or taking offence at every other word or, oh, any of that. So good to understand more of what was going on.
In any case. It was a beautiful day, spent with beautiful people, and, as I said, I spent some time walking home tonight wondering whether it could actually be real. But you know, it was, and I am really very happy tonight.
Although very tired, because it was a long day, as well.