So I'm skating on flat slippers across the outside of the shopping centre when some Italian guys stop me to talk very fast at me in Italian and laugh at me when I don't understand. I had been heading for Marks & Spencers, but this annoys me so I decide to go for a drink in the tiny pub/coffee shop next door, first. I slide through the door and the first thing I see is a very stressed-looking Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, shouting at two large chinchillas dressed in baby clothes who are in a pram with her. Naturally, I sit down, as she is famous and I might get information about Nick Rhodes (her ex) if I buy her a drink.
She tells me she's stressed because she has to write a paper for university, but can't as she's too stressed, so her doctor prescribed her some seeds, but she can't remember if it was cardamom seeds or another kind - she thinks it's the other kind (I can't remember the name) and has bought a packet, but is worried they're poisonous.
I say "We have to ask mhw's boyfriend" and she nods - she knows him too, and what a world expert he is on [name] seeds. So we do. And he explains that they are poisonous, but not if you stand in a bag of slugs for 45 seconds before eating them - then they're wonderfully relaxing.
He transfers a bag of slugs to us down the phoneline, and we each stand in it (this is as horrible as it sounds, especially for someone with invertebrate-phobia) and then crush the seeds and swallow a couple of handfuls. Nothing happens to me; Tara collapses instantly - asleep.
Fair enough. I wander off to try again to make it to Marks & Spencers. On the way I stop for a quick game of Bookworm on my Palm - and realise that I can see every possible word combination highlighted in red. I look up and shop names rearrange themselves into anagrams before my eyes. It's making me dizzy, and I assume it's some side effect of the seeds. So I ring up mhw and try to explain to him over the very loud music he's listening to - he asks me to wait and he'll call me back. He does, explaining that one of his characters was shouting at him about being interrupted while writing, and his voice would come down the phone as music (must follow this thought up at some point.) mhw mutters for a while about his boyfriend not having warned us about the side effects or mentioned the antidote, and then transfers a bag of snails down the phone to me - anti-gravity snails; as soon as they're out of the phone they're sucked up and stick to the ceiling. Standing in these is the antidote. Luckily I wake up before I have to actually do it.
Bizarre as always. Oh well - makes up for Morpheus trying to catch me out with a nicemare the night before last. (Which, amazingly, didn't work. I remembered the dream, realised it had no bearing on reality, shrugged and kept walking. One again I marvel at being all fixed and healed and stuff.)
Would like to vent about some aspects of the reporting of the Soham business, but I think that's a DeadJournal post if anything.