DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,
DurAnorak
duranorak

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Erm...

We just went to see Underworld.
I'm not sure what to make of it. I'll probably get it when I start properly collecting vampire films - after all, it does count - but really. Really. What an awful script. And...

Good things :
* Swirly metal whips of doom. Goodness they were shiny. Must convince everyone who does poi that in fact that is what they should be training themselves up for.
* Pretty corsetry.
* Sophia Myles as Erika. Not just a pretty face, but that didn't hurt either.
* The werewolves when in wolf form. I found them entirely believable and terrifying.
* Michael Sheen as Lucian (on top of the car). By far the best acting in the film (afraid that's not saying much) and somehow cute despite the facial hair and occasional werewolf transformation.
* Effects : werewolves moving along walls and ceiling, and especially the werewolf-point of view tracking business. Just, nice.

Bad things :
* Yet again, vampires hiss as they bare their fangs. I'm still waiting to hear the vampire-mythology answer to the question of why the hell they do this in every film ever made ever.
* This man. He is a terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible actor. Playing a ghastly role with abysmal lines. And I do wish I could find a photograph of his shirt in the second scene he's in. 'Not just a vampire, I'm a Big Gay 70s Spangly Shirted Vampire at that'. Sheesh.
* This man. I just...don't even want to go there with how bad his acting was or how...random the...'dramatic'...pauses in his sentences...were.
* Our Hero. Not for any particular reason, he made the best of a bad job, he just annoyed me by having muscles.
* Our Heroine. Shiny she may have been, good, believable, or involved she was not.
* The - oh how we laughed - plot. Not the basic *idea* of the film, you understand - that was actually pretty good. But the actual transition from scene to scene, from plot point to plot point, was jerky, confusing, occasionally just silly. Go on, admit it - you spent all the time designing the pretty costumes, didn't you, and wrote the actual film in two weeks. I thought so. Which brings me to...
* The script. Jesus on a motorbike, it was bad. Kraven's character had some of the most stilted, forced-sounding lines I have ever heard in a film - it didn't help that he couldn't act, but anyone would have found it difficult with lines like that. And as for Viktor...the noble, ancient, most powerful vampire lord seems to somehow have watched a few too many action movies whilst in hibernation. For verily, he raised his sword high and spoke unto the abomination, saying...
"Time to die."
I could almost hear him wanting to add "motherfucker" because he got confused by the big sword and thought he was Samuel L Jackson for a minute.

Lucian was good, though. And he appears to have followed me home.
Still, a vampire movie where I don't come away with any vampires seems somehow Wrong.

E.
x
Subscribe

  • (no subject)

    So I was just thinking, ugh, I'm too crazy to post another song, why would I even bother anyway, when I was suddenly reminded of a track I had on Now…

  • (no subject)

    You know when everyone is going crazy about a book, or a film, or a band, and you just get sick to death of even seeing it mentioned, even by people…

  • (no subject)

    Well, clearly I'm not going to manage to post a song every day, because for the last...what is it, like, six? I have kept trying and then deciding…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 23 comments

  • (no subject)

    So I was just thinking, ugh, I'm too crazy to post another song, why would I even bother anyway, when I was suddenly reminded of a track I had on Now…

  • (no subject)

    You know when everyone is going crazy about a book, or a film, or a band, and you just get sick to death of even seeing it mentioned, even by people…

  • (no subject)

    Well, clearly I'm not going to manage to post a song every day, because for the last...what is it, like, six? I have kept trying and then deciding…