distressedThis is pretty much moot, as I think I'm spending the evening with
asrana...but I would like to go, and I'll talk with her about it. But, well. I decided I wasn't going again. I'm perfectly capable of saying "Well, I decided that in a dreadful mood and maybe I was wrong", but I don't know - I *really* don't know - whether I want to go getting friendly with the DJs any more.I can't afford it. However, I can't afford anything, and that won't stop me. Also, I suspect that if I wrote back and said I couldn't go because I couldn't afford to, David or Paul or indeed both of them would immediately offer to cover it for me. But that would be a manipulative and evil thing to do. Also, I don't know if I want to go.
I don't....meh. I wanted so much to be friends with them, because, well, it's a great club and they're wonderful people, and it's just damn cool to be hanging out with people who like my music, and stuff. And then suddenly there were feelings involved and the reason I decided I wasn't going back was that it had been the only place I could go to hide from feelings, and now....~shrug~
I don't know who else is going. There's a list of who went last time but not this, and his little bint-on-the-side wasn't there, but...
Oh, I don't know. Really, I don't. I don't feel any better for having written this. Damn. I wish
dennyd would wake up; he can usually see through whatever nonsense I'm trying to tell myself.Butterflies keep flying in here and dying, and they're too high up for me to reach them and help them out first. ~sigh~
E.
x
