DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

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Angst, whine, whinge, whinge, whine, angst.

Circumstances can go fuck themselves. Only really I want them doing something much less fun. I don't have enough swearwords to cover the hissing, spitting ball of acid rage I am right now. In about ten minutes I'll be a weeping, aching heap of mope, and then after that a freezing, distant pane of glass, and then maybe things will be better if people manage not to break me. But for fuck's sake. Bastard bastard gods.

But anyway, yesterday was good and last night was great until they played 'Twisted' and I rather unexpectedly burst into tears because I missed dennyd so much (who incidentally is out of hospital for anyone who hasn't gathered that yet).
Really I need to get going so I can get back to him, but I've got to get my feelings back under control first.
Oh, and do some washing-up.
And retrieve the belief that he wants me to come back.

I am capable of being more irrational than almost anyone I know, but I just...didn't think I was being, this time.
Oh well. I'm making up for it this morning! Heh.

"You know I've been through hell,
Willow, don't you see?
There'll be nothing left of me..."


It's really great you're here now. It's really wonderful you're nearby and I get to see you pretty much every time I go out. It's fabulous that you feel you can talk to me now and not have to be careful about what you say.
But, but, ow. Because, really I thought I'd dealt with most of my feelings for you which would be why you suddenly found you could talk to me, right? Only, because you're being so nice to me and all, it's quite difficult not to love you. And it keeps being *fun*, being around you, laughing and dancing and, y'know, stuff, and you just don't know what a colossal *struggle* it is keeping it all friendly-like when I just want to drop to my knees and beg you to hurt me. Argh. ARGH.
Ahem. Anyway. Stopped now. Isn't it good that you won't be reading this...~s~

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