The Calling was good, with lots (and lots) of people saying nice things about what I was wearing - I looked so good that even valkyriekaren danced with me, which is nothing short of miraculous. Even Fross's playing 'Deep Red' didn't manage to upset me for more than a few minutes and, although it was all somewhat subdued (absence of Oli, Tish, Scylla, Pyro, Alix & Erik and most especially Vince very much felt) and the rest of Fross' set was quasi-undanceable (exquisitely) mangled bleep, I had a good time, danced to lots of zotz's set, got in a certain amount of flirting and slightly more supportive/empathising hugs, and was kissed goodbye by nisaba. The one thing that wasn't right was that tacohell, who I'd only just met and was there for the first time, was having a hell of a night and I wanted to help but would possibly have been the worst person to try to.
Yesterday was spent mainly with wildeabandon, wandering round charity shops and picking up vinyl and things, plus a book based on Dracula that I immediately saw would be worth getting, but didn't appreciate the true hilarity of until I read it on the train home today. At first glance it seems to be written entirely seriously by someone who's spent far too much time in his bedroom with only flickering candles and the works of H.P. Lovecraft. Actually? He's severely mocking it all - but it's so cleverly done that you could almost miss it. Almost. I'm very impressed, I think it's brilliant.
Wednesday evening, dennyd graciously drove me over to wechsler's.
He'd forgotten he was supposed to be seeing me that night.
Heh. He seemed glad enough to be unexpectedly kittened, and things, and it was a good evening of curled up by the TV-ness, but nevertheless, it struck a (probably disproportionately strong) blow to my self-esteem that it's going to take a long time to get over.
Never mind. I live.
Woke up this morning from nightmares in which my mother died, of the kind where it takes you a considerable number of minutes to realise that actually, it was only a dream. On the train on the way home, I picked up a newspaper and proceeded to remind myself why I steadfastly ignore news generally. I'm now just plain scared. What the hell is going to happen? ~sigh~ (And all this bloody nonsense about the war that I seem to have missed on LiveJournal. For heaven's sake.)
This evening I'm meeting giolla for [caffeinated beverage] and I wish I could think of some way to explain to him that I'm going to really need hugs because I'm frightened and hugs *help*, not for any other reason - he was steadfastly refusing to hug back at The Calling, and though I appreciate entirely his reasons for that, if I get upset because he won't hug me this evening it would be *really* good if he didn't misunderstand, and realised that it's because I'm scared of the world and need hugs, not because it's him that won't hug me.
Well. Perhaps having written that will go part of the way to explaining it; I think he'll read this.
Tomorrow brings worry and concern and I'm just too damn far away. God knows I respect people's not wanting me there, though I don't understand it, but I still wish I could be. ~sigh~
There's one good thing around - some of you may have noticed that dennyd asked me out on Tuesday evening, so now I'm officially Not Single again, and m'lord has (another) lady to his name. ~smile~ And I love him lots. And, y'know, lots.