It's very difficult to realise just how much you may have been lied to, but not to know how much you actually were - when so much is subjective in any case, it's almost impossible to sort out fact and perception from pure fiction.
The possibility that I might have, directly or indirectly, aborted what could have been a good friendship is a very painful thing to think about.
As Eddings characters would point out, there's an awful lot of "mays" and "mights" and "coulds" in there. But that's just it - I can't *know*, for one thing, and also just the possibility is bad enough.
When they're unhappy in a relationship, some people tend to think their partners are treating them much worse than they actually are, or ignore their own faults just so they can rant about their partner's. I know I did that, although I think I'd be better now.
But if you don't realise that your relationship is what's making you unhappy, and yet you're listing all these *dreadful* things your partner has done, could you be consciously lying or exaggerating? Why would you be?
~runs a hand through her hair~ I think I'm going to have to think about this tomorrow. I'm not sure a clearer head will help, but I don't think it could hurt.
I need to find some way of calming down from this weird full-body electric shock type thing I go into; it happens in certain situations and it feels like every cell in my body's trying to fly, all at once, all in different directions. Not so conducive to sleep.