DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,
DurAnorak
duranorak

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It's like detox, only it's not as much fun and it doesn't work.

I think I know why I put myself through all that.
I went and spent time looking and crying to remind myself that no matter what jealousy I suffer (for example at B-Movie) there's always worse jealousy I could be going through. (The other option for doing this isn't viable, since being in the same *city* is wrenching and dreadful, let alone the same building or room.)

I stayed beyond the point where it became unbearable to remind myself that there are worse things than being on my own. Sometimes I forget that, and I think "I'd do anything for company". But there are worse things than being on my own.

Then I left because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.

Then I walked (most of the way) home because the desperate cold numbed the pain to the point where I could hardly feel it.

Then I caught the bus with a bunch of lunatics to remind myself that actually, I wouldn't *really* take anyone who came along.

As you can probably tell, that doesn't really qualify for the title of Best Evening Ever. Though much thanks to moomintroll (and his very sweet girlfriend) for bearing with me for a while at least. ~s~ (I know this is unlikely, but - Sorry if I worried you saying I'd walk back; if I had a number for you I could have let you know I got back safely, but anyway, here I am all in one piece still in the same number of pieces I was when I left. ~s~)

I feel fairly sure that's the last time I'll be going to Slimelight.

E.
x

I never realised you cared little enough to twist the knife like that.
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