DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,
DurAnorak
duranorak

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Well...I was upset for no real reason, and then I was upset for a reason I'm ashamed of, and now I'm much less upset for a very good reason, namely a phonecall from someone who Doesn't Do Phones, who I love very dearly, who has a beautiful voice that I'd forgotten, who put pretty pictures in my head, who I want to see again soon, at which point with any luck I can persuade him to use that voice to entertaining effect. ~smile~ Thank you. I love you.

Today was good, very good, up until 4:30ish when something broke very badly indeed, and I still don't know quite what. I think...well, this morning something happened that meant more to me than I realised (silly kitten, just because The Man broke your heart doesn't mean he was actually wrong all the time) and I think I needed more time to just be cuddled, but that would have necessitated my realising and asking for it, which I didn't, so, y'know. My bad.
And also, we were in Cyberdog when whatever it was broke. There was a guy dancing and I was watching him, and the way he moved was gorgeous, and then dennyd was juggling, and he's enthralling enough when he's just standing there, but it was powerfully hypnotic to watch, and then some song or other came on, and, well. Me and music. It was incredible to start with, and it just kept getting more, and more, and more, and more, until I absolutely couldn't stand it any longer, and more, and more...and I blew some sort of mental fuse. And it made me all shaky and needing of hugs. And unfortunately dennyd couldn't be around for that long, although he did his best. Thank you, sweetheart; you're very good to me.

So now...now, I think, sleep, probably. I'm drained and last night didn't get much sleep and the night before didn't get any sleep (not complaining, mind) and I think it would probably do me good.

wildeabandon, beloved, I'm sorry. dennyd, thank you for a wonderful night and day. dj_pooka, there are no words. flannelcat, welcome to LJ. ciphergoth, I miss you.

And a memory keeps returning, a memory of laying my head on your chest and hearing your heartbeat and suddenly seeing right through your skin to the blood speeding through your veins. For one moment I could have split you open...but it frightened me, and so I told you, to exorcise it.
But the memory is still there.


Oh, and my f2s e-mail doesn't seem to be working - has anyone sent me anything there in the last few days? 'Cause, the mistral.co.uk one is still working if you have and want to resend anything I've missed...

E.
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