Too far away for me to ever see him again. And it's hurting me bacuse it's hurting you, and there's nothing I can do about it, even though I just want to fold the world in half and make it right.
And I seem to have missed my last chance to speak to so many people, because I was wrapped in the words and then in the arms of someone who means far more to me than I realised but less than I thought those others did...but I didn't even notice them go.
I feel like a traitor, like I should have spent that night in bitter tears, like that would have been better than the way things turned out.
Hah. The way things turned out. The way things turned out is that I came home and found that he seemed to have pretended to care for one evening. I should know the score by now but always one note surprises me.
And I was sarcastic and unkind about a fairytale masterpiece of humanity, and I declined to look at the most perfect man alive, and all for the smile and wide beautiful eyes of someone whose interest in me was only the ragged chiffon of age-old pretense.
Next time, don't let me do that. Next time, if there is a next time, make me open my eyes and cry out at the painful perfection that sometimes was close enough to touch.