V : No, it's not working.
Me : ~turns on television~ It is, look.
V : I mean the remote isn't working, it's stuck.
Me : ~checks remote~ Maybe it needs new batteries?
V : Oh, I hadn't thought of that! ~leans round the corner to everyone~ The remote isn't broken, it just needs new batteries!
~general sounds of relief from everyone~
Someone : Where would we get batteries from, though?
~general sounds of consternation~ ~sounds of people having no idea where one gets batteries~
Me : ~after a short baffled silence~ Er, I've got some. I'll go get them, shall I?
Someone : Oh, thanks. Hey, Emily fixed Sky!
~whimpers~ I want to go back to where the real people are...