Wondering if I was just shock-scared very unexpectedly.
If it was unexpectedly at all.
Sometimes you hope for things but still don't expect them, don't you?
Sometimes you wish people would ask, first, too, although that would just have been absurd.
Wondering how someone you really cannot *stand* can be so great. How someone you think is so fantastic can be so awful.
Same person, sometimes.
Wondering why I feel protective of people who obviously need no protecting at all.
Wondering why people feel protective of me.
Wondering at my feelings towards someone veering from resentment to guilt to resentment again, and wondering what to do about it.
Told you I'd be doing nothing productive today...