And they've used it at me!
I feel sick.
Later : One day. One day I will learn that the emotional walls *don't come down* - they're there for a reason and they have to *stay* there.
And I can't leave. I can't go anywhere. I can't.
And I will stay and be torn apart again and again and *again* because I can't leave.
I'm fine, really. I just had a sudden shock of just how utterly fucking horrible this could get.
But it hasn't, yet.
And it may not.
Hmm. I'm frightened.