DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

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I was feeling useless yesterday...

...it's worse today.
I'm sitting in front of the computer with tears streaming down my face - as if anyone's going to think this is unusual anymore - I hurt *so much* inside, like someone cut out my heart and then poured hydrochloric acid into the hole...
No, it bloody isn't just heartburn...~g~
I keep reading things that don't help, whether it's because they're traumatic or adorable or just too intense for me to cope with just at the moment.
I don't know what to do with myself.
The main thought in my head is that you've all, with the exception of my beloved G of course, got tired of me.
While I would absolutely understand this, it would hurt, and I'd like to think you'd just tell me to shut up. Most of me thinks I'm paranoid. The strongest part of me, though, is so certain of the above that I can't fight it.
So I'm sorry. I'd apologise to you all individually, but it wouldn't make a difference.

Tonight I would cry, bleed, steal, kill, die for someone to comfort me.
Bugger, that came out all melodrama!goth.
Is "I just want someone to comfort me?" better?
Or does that sound too needy?
Wait a minute, I *do* need it.

I would instinctively do so much more for people than they would do for me. "However I look, it's clear to see that I love you more than you love me..." Heh.
I think there may be nothing left of me.
Oh, god, I hurt so much.


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