November 6th, 2005



Have had to stop watching UK Music Hall Of Fame Bestselling Artists of 21st Century show after being horribly reminded of The Band I Hate More Than Westlife, whose evil, evil works I had blissfully forgotten up till now as they haven't had one of their indescribably offensively bland derivative fucking beige melody-devoid fundamentally worthless singles out recently, thank jesus christ who, if he existed, would at least have the divine mercy to spare us the aimless whinings of this bearded man wearing a jumper he's too nice to tell his nan he doesn't like and the drivelling by-numbers instrumental noodlings of his associates - I won't call them his 'friends', he doesn't have any friends, nor indeed does he deserve any. MAROON 5 MUST DIE. MAROON 5 MUST DIE. SPREAD THE MESSAGE. They've only had one album out - one! I know each one of their songs feels like years of your life are ebbing away drip by drip like a tap you forgot to turn off in your beige suburban caravan of a home where even the sunshine feels dismally retro like depressing old film from the 70s, but in fact they have only filled one album full of this miserable crap they call music - and they've still sold more in the 21st century so far than a ton of other people. Cretins.

However, the Channel 4 website, in seemingly taking a catty swipe in their direction, firmly cements our own dear Modern as a Band People Are Beginning To Have Heard Of : see? You'll be eating your words in an extremely expensive restaurant where you're going to have to pay the bill and tip heavily for that wine you spilled, Channel 4. Just you wait.

  • Current Music
    'Cry Boy Cry', Blue Zoo.