January 1st, 2005

Gother than thou. Or anyone.

Too late for goodbyes

It's quarter past five in the morning. The birds are waking up. It's 2005, somehow.
I'm too tired for melodrama, too tired to lie and say the evening went well. They always say, whoever they are, 'start as you mean to go on', and I've done that, I've started 2005 with the most unbelievably stupid, stupidly unbelievable angst I could possibly have achieved. Go me. Still not king.

I didn't dress up for the party, with the result that I felt (and looked, mostly) hideous, and I forgot everything I was meant to bring and was confused and useless and embarrassed and awkward and had to keep hiding because there were too many people and almost all of the ones who wanted to talk to me seemed to be ones I wanted to avoid talking to. There were exceptions, of course. People I wanted to cling to, metaphorically at least, because they were people I *wanted* to be around in a sea of people who were just too much for me, and couldn't, because then they wouldn't have tolerated me any longer.

And, oh, god, the angst. ~s~ I know, I know. I'll write a more optimistic update later, when I've had some sleep. Any sleep at all would be good.

Happy New Year, though, boys and girls. May it bring us good things; we deserve them.

E.
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  • Current Music
    'Elected', Alice Cooper.
Labyrinth Sarah forest

Today I can remember the good things, too.

Actually the party last night was lovely - I just left it wrapped in angst, and it was all I could think about for a while. But it was mostly great. Lovely to see kitty_goth, if briefly, and to see angelmine again, and lolliepopp to thank her properly for my Christmas present, and to meet the genuinely unprecedentedly fantastic slightlyfoxed and spyinthehaus, and to see lots of other people (if I namecheck everyone we'll be here all day, and I have DVD shopping to do soon ~g~).

It was really relaxed and good and spikeylady and ciphergoth are great hosts, as are ergotia and lilithmagna. Oh! and I met webcowgirl, who rocks a lot, and shadowdaddy, who is not only very lovely and in possession of excellent trousers but saw a thing about Duran Duran in the inflight magazine and brought it to give to me despite not really knowing who I am. People are so lovely!

In fact the only *problem* last night was that people are so lovely, so I don't know what I was whining about really. Please excuse the angst, which seemed so overwhelming before I'd had any sleep, and hear me saying that it was a great night, which it was, and that I'm quite happy, which I am.

*mwah* *mwah* Happy New Year my darlings. Have a good day.

E.
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  • Current Music
    'Prince Of Fools', Manuskript.