December 23rd, 2004

Gother than thou. Or anyone.

News from the Western Front

Day 1 - Tuesday : Having had no sleep the previous night, Our Heroine spends the entire day in bed in the grip of hallucinations and a raging fever, desperately weak and Really Very Unhappy. Father, who has the family brain cell that day, is most helpful, while Mother determines that the fever must be the fault of Our Heroine for staying out late on Friday night. We'll ignore the fact that she could be right.

Day 2 - Wednesday : Miraculously recovered from said illness, Our Heroine sets out with Father to trawl the shops for Christmas decorations, only to discover that all that remain in the entirety of Paris are the most hideous creations known to man, beast, or whatever one calls them here in France. Disappointed but determined, Our Heroine returns home to work her magic on the Christmas tree, to the eventual satisfaction of all the family. All seems well. But is it? Later, whilst Our Heroine is arranging plates and serviettes for Mother's guests for the evening, Mother wanders over and places a lit candle directly beneath Our Heroine, whose hair proceeds to catch fire. Those of you as fond of my hair as I am, don't worry - it's fine, and so am I. The guests arrive at precisely this moment, and Father, who has now lost the brain cell, decides that what Our Heroine most needs is shouting at for being in shock upon the arrival of guests.

We are now at the beginning of Day 3, so, ladies and gentlemen, place your bets, please, as to what will go spectacularly wrong today...

  • Current Music
    Carols from the radio.