So much for my perfect memory. I'm trying to clear my inbox, since several thousand messages going back six years aren't doing a great deal for my computer, it would seem. I remember a lot of it. In fact, I thought I was remembering all of it. Then I came across ( Collapse )
I've no idea who this person is. I mean it - I've literally no recollection of him at all. There are a few other messages from him in my inbox (I had a lot of other accounts at the time though) and none of them say anything helpful. It scares me. I know I have a near-perfect memory; I also know that the places in which it is less than perfect are ones where you just don't *want* to remember. But it scares me. I think I must have met him online. I wish I could remember. He writes about taking time off so I could visit him; about a week where he felt I was giving him the 'silent treatment' so he went and had a meaningless one night stand with some girl in Oxford.
I want to delete the e-mails but I can't quite bring myself to. Would he remember, now, who I am?
People are such strange creatures. How could I forget someone who seems to have meant that much to me? One of his e-mails ends with "Love (oh god, I said it)" and when I reread that I got the faintest of distant memories of reading it for the first time.
And now I've got a feeling the world is about to come crashing down around my ears (the whole day has felt a bit like that) so I'll leave this for now.
One of those "I can't do this any more" moments. Well. I have a singing lesson to go to and then the course. Normal things with fairly normal people. I hurt. I hurt so much. Today was cold and horrible. Is this what I do to people, too?
Panic mostly over, just in case anyone was worrying, which they weren't. ~s~ My father seems to have left without so much as an angry note - this is a good thing. I have music - this is a good thing. I have an excuse to read an extract from Poppy Z Brite to an audience of dangerously normal people and freak them out. This is possibly not a good thing, but it's certainly an evil laugh one...
Anyway. Enough rambling. I could really do with getting some sleep tonight, so I shall endeavour to head in that direction shortly.
E. x
Current Music
'Ultraviolet - Infrared', John Foxx. Best. Thing. Ever.