January 10th, 2003

(I've tried patience)

Et tu, Brute?

Excuse me? Is everyone it's going to upset me to see going to B-Movie now? Yay! For the record, giolla, wildeabandon, are you planning to be there too? Honest question, kids, just so I know what to expect.
Because he's going, and so's he, and the only reason *he* didn't go last time was because of a party somewhere so he might turn up. And, I mean, ouch.

And I'm still planning to go. "Masochist!" Whythankyou. ~curtseys~

~sigh~

E.
x
  • Current Music
    "King Henry" (folksong) as sung by Andreas Scholl.
(I've tried patience)

(no subject)

If I tried to explain why I was crying, I don't think a single one of you would understand it.
There are simple reasons, sure. There are going to be three (possibly four) people there tonight that I'd do anything to be in a Relationship with, and have no real chance of ever. That's always fun.
But the other reason...the worse reason...
~shakes head~
I've done this before. I've been like this before. You remember, don't you - you were so horrified that I said I felt used.
But you were different.

This isn't making any sense, so I'll stop. But. I'm upset. So there.

Sigh.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Teenage Vampire', Killing Miranda.
I can fly!

~laughs~

Suddenly all these people want to hurt me. And all I did was be nice to them...

Probably changed my mind about what I'm wearing tonight - might be time for the big velvety goth dress to take a turn out again. dennyd, what do you think?

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Naive Song', Mirwais. Mmm.
I can fly!

Eeek.

~sigh~
There's fear. I'm good with fear. I'm used to fear. I even like fear, sometimes.

And then there's terror.
Don't like terror. Not good with terror. Not happy about it.
Not used to it.

It's that irrational urge to grab everything and just run and run and run and run and run and run until you can look back and know you're safe, but also the knowledge that you never can.

I've now known it twice in two days and I. Don't. Like. It.

First time was my fault. This time is kind of my fault, too. Not keen on that, either.

...right, that's it. I'm going to go and hug the duvet and read David Eddings and cry myself silly until I may, possibly feel better. Sitting here shaking is not good. Any minute now I'l start screaming. I really don't want to do that.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    Nothing right now, just frightened hyperventilation. ~s~