December 28th, 2002

(I've tried patience)

Sigh. Tirades R Us.

Last night, spoke to dennyd, cried a lot, got off the phone, bled. (Why do promises to the idiot who broke my heart still hold? Oh well, probably a good thing.) Cried more, went to sleep.
Woke up screaming from a very strange nightmare, thinking it was roughly time to get up. Or not, being as it was half past three. So I tried to go back to sleep but I was too frightened. Finally gave up just now and came on here. Why I bother, I just don't know.
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To quote Willow, "Well...I don't feel better..." But I really didn't want to go away this upset, and it looks like I am, and a small amount of that is down to me and the rest of it can be laid squarely at ^your feet, so well done, you all get little medals, fuck you all, and I'm leaving the country.

When I come back, I'll see the people I've said I'll see - that'll be Dominic and dennyd then - and I'll write to K and see if he's got a gap in his busy schedule - oh, and there's the theatre with nisaba; maybe I should give my ticket to someone else - but the rest of you can I'm sure do without my company for a while.
I'm left wishing I really had just slit my wrists on Christmas morning, after doing my token Good Deed. Thank you all so much. Happy New Year.

E.
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