October 31st, 2002

(I've tried patience)

~sigh~

Happy Halloween, kids. Not that I'm doing anything tonight, but I think I need some time to myself anyway.

The Calling was horrendous, despite the best efforts of some very lovely people to make me feel better. I did dance a little, but wished I hadn't, and generally for the evening wanted to turn to stone in a convenient corner or creep off somewhere quiet and gut myself. It was, in short, not good. I think the absence of nisaba actually made a very big difference. But hey. I'll live.

As I will live despite many people I know and love going off to Whitby today. It hurts more than I can cope with so I've pretty much shut everything down. ~shrug~ Whatever.

In between times there was a film-watching afternoon/evening with wildeabandon, grahamb, dmh, surje and excelsis, which was surprisingly enjoyable given that the films were the three about Hannibal Lecter and I should have been hiding horrified throughout. Well, I was, a little, but never alone. ~g~ So I didn't feel so bad about hiding. This was followed by a trip to the pub where the jukebox played appalling nu-metal for hours...~shudder~
But you know those odd perfect moments you get from time to time? Just thirty seconds or a minute when nothing, not someone talking loudly or someone's phone going off or even possibly someone tipping a bucket of water full of eels on top of you could break or change or mar the tiny, tiny crystal of perfection in time you've somehow managed to catch hold of?
There was one of those at the pub last night, surrounded by awful nu-metal and people I was jealous of and people whose voices it hurt to hear and strange drunken men playing pool and goths and corrugated iron.
Just for a few seconds.
And I am grateful for it.

But bloody miserable all the same, so I shall go try to get hold of music now. Let's see, there's stray NIN, London After Midnight, The Horatii, The Chameleons, Kylie...~g~

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Hong Kong Garden', Siouxsie And The Banshees.
(I've tried patience)

(no subject)

~cries~ Normally I'd be melting at how cute someone is, but it's hard when they're miles and miles away and I'm unhappy anyway, so I shall just cry and wish I'd been near a computer when they were being cute, instead of in Cambridge watching Anthony Hopkins cutting up someone's brain.

~sigh~ ~looks at self~
I'm falling in love again. I know it and there's no way to avoid it and it's painful and horrific and endless.

Darn.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    The same.
(I've tried patience)

*Argh*. Help?

Never mind people being cute, when they give me misinformation it makes it everso hard to find pieces of music...~g~

And all the goths are in blasted Whitby. Sigh.

Because somehow I have to find a very lovely song, which was gentle-ish and featured violins, and is somewhere in this list Collapse )

I don't suppose anyone can help me? It's very important to me.
It's also probably that the first six or seven songs can be discounted as we didn't arrive until after that. But. Help?

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Swamp Thing', The Chameleons, which it also isn't.
I can fly!

(no subject)

My internet connection is very slow just at the minute, so it won't let me edit the previous entry to say I found the song, or rather zoo_music_girl and zotz did - thankyouthankyouthankyou...

Or reply to any comments, either. ~kicks connection~ Bah.

Anyway. I have more music! (I like songs by Nine Inch Nails, mylifeisover) And atommickbrane my dear, I own lots and lots of Kate Bush...

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Swastika Eyes', Primal Scream, actually.
(I've tried patience)

(no subject)

Mmm, random!Trevor!violence on EastEnders.

I'll never understand why the only thing I really want when I'm this upset is for some guy to beat the living daylights out of me, but there you go.

Couldn't you bastards waste your time causing me physical pain, rather than emotional? I mean, honestly.

Grrr.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Miss Lucifer', Primal Scream.
Music

Class.

Now the proud, if slightly bemused, owner of a Gregorian-chant-with-synth-and-harp-accompaniment version of 'Fade To Grey'.

(Along with NIN's 'Head Like A Hole' and 'Closer', London After Midnight's 'Kiss', Peter Murphy's 'Cuts You Up', Primal Scream's 'Miss Lucifer', and Kylie Minogue's 'Come Into My World'. The Horatii are impossible to get hold of, leading me to believe I may have to beg someone for the loan of a CD or something...)

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Nights In White Satin', The Moody Blues.