October 13th, 2002

(I've tried patience)


Mum gets here this afternoon/evening. Cue arguments, I suspect. I don't really want to know. She knows I've not been happy - we talked last night a little - but the second she knows what happened the other night she'll blame everything on that. And I'll wind up defending my friends, again, and, oh. Grr.

I'm also debating calling off The Calling. It seems very stupid for me to go, this time - like those people in horror films who say "Well, there's something moving about outside our log cabin, we know the woods are haunted by flesh-eating ghosts, but I'll just go and check if it's a deer 'cause I really fancy some fresh venison."

Right, well. I'm now going to cry a lot and watch Popworld and Hollyoaks.

I hate weekends. I despise weekends. Weekends have for months been the time when everyone who's been pretending to like me during the week suddenly has people they actually *want* to see.
Look at me, everyone! I'm the loneliest girl in the world. Heh.

  • Current Music
    'Love At First Sight', Kylie Minogue.
(I've tried patience)

(no subject)

Lately, everywhere I go, I cause destruction and chaos.

With any luck by staying here I'll finally cause the destruction of myself.

I can't cope. I really, really can't.

I was told to call someone if things got bad; but I can't call them because it was calling them that was the wrong thing to do before. Things are that bad; but if I call then things will get worse. Argh.

I can't cope, at all. Someone help me please. ~hides under blanket~

(I've tried patience)


Just when you think things can't get any worse.

Well, my life is. Over. At eighteen! Imagine.
I may not have the courage to actually kill myself, but I'm really going to wish I did.
I won't actually delete this journal, as it's a pretty set of colours and has some half-decent things written in it, but. Ciao, guys. Like I said, I don't have the courage to do "anything stupid", so please don't get worried about that.

This nightmare is one that will never end. And god knows that really isn't melodrama.