July 18th, 2002

(I've tried patience)

Eeep.

First rehearsal-type-thing for my concert later on today. Yes, it's informal and early days and so on, but it's still scary and I'm therefore still scared. ~kitten curls up on sofa and clings to cushions~

And I'm tired, again. And I dreamed, again.
That is one frightening guy to have in your dreams. ~sigh~
Ah, well. At least I'm perky, if scared also. ~s~

If you were an X-Man, what would you want your mutant power to be?

E.
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  • Current Music
    More violins. I like this CD.
(I've tried patience)

~sigh~

I wish I knew what was making today such a bad one. I seem to be drifting in general discontent and I can't work out why. Not that you particularly needed to know that, but hey, this is LJ.

~sigh~ Watch me convincing myself that last weekend didn't happen. I've a habit of doing this, and given a few hours, I'll probably wind up thinking none of it was real.

Which would be a shame. Ah well. One day someone will explain my subconscious to me.

E.
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  • Current Music
    And still.
I can fly!

Ouch.

I just sang for an hour and a half straight, pretty much without stopping. My throat hurts. Ouch.

And (she said, stalking) I seem to have acquired a great many acquaintances who are in posssession of an alarming amount of unusual weaponry.
This can only be a good thing, if a distracting one. ~smile~

E.
x
  • Current Music
    And still.
(I've tried patience)

Meh.

I wish to goodness I could stop caring so much about people who barely know I exist. It's terribly frustrating at times.
Watch me tirelessly expend energy and love in the direction of people who won't accept it because they don't feel they know me.
I know I'm not the only person who does this, but it often feels like I do it more than most people.

Ach. Whine, mope, whine, whinge, mope. Sorry all. ~slightly sheepish smile~

And it could be worse. When I start complaining that Brian May isn't returning my e-mails, *then* shoot me. ~g~

E.
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  • Current Music
    And still.
(I've tried patience)

Is there anyone out there?

My parents have just been screaming at me for no reason, again. It's getting to be a habit.

And I'm lonely and upset and hurt and I want someone who cares to call me and listen to me cry. But there have always been people who I thought cared. People who acted as though they cared and then as though they couldn't wait to see the back of me. Wonderful.
I hurt so *much* right now.
I can remember my ex talking to me once and seeing I wasn't listening grabbing hold of me and looking up into my eyes and saying "Care...please care..."
I feel like that, now.

And I'm so desperately lonely and I wish I was somewhere else, or someone else, or that someone would come and take me away, or sit with me, or even just call me.

Later : And there are lots of wonderful people around here who do care, and I'm sorry, and I'm just tired and angry at my parents and being needlessly angsty, and I hope you'll forgive me.

E.
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  • Current Music
    The same.