June 20th, 2002

(I've tried patience)

~s~

I am such an idiot.
I mean, such a colossal, unbelievable idiot that I can't even begin to comprehend my own idiocy.

Kicked in the chest again and again and again and again and again and again and again...I feel like there's nothing left inside me.

Incidentally, I'm still not moping. I'm looking over from the other side of the walls, going "gosh, that's interesting".

I'm. So. Stupid.

Latin revision. Come on, kitten, concentrate. Pull yourself together. You've had worse. ~kicks self~

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'An Angel Stepped Down', Jane Siberry.
(I've tried patience)

Sorry...

It's all a bit "Birthday over, business as usual", isn't it?
Just because I've been an idiot, doesn't mean I need to compound that by rattling on at you lot about it. ~smile~

My parents have given me 500 quid. ~shakes head~ Must...not...buy...music...

E.
x

Knowing someone doesn't love you is hard. Thinking they do, and then realising they don't?
Harder. Definitely.
  • Current Music
    'All The Candles In The World', Jane Siberry.
(I've tried patience)

Further birthdayage...

...got back to find two parcels in my school letterbox. One contained a gorgeous Egyptian-style bead collar from my teacher and friend, Mrs. Hillier.
The other was from ciphergoth, and...I just...wow. Thank you so very, very much. Music! Bounce! I'm pretty much lost for words on this. One day I'll find some way to thank you. ~smile~ (And I only just noticed your new user icon, as well. Unobservant me. Yes. Well. Anyway.)
Everyone here's been sweet, and it's almost good to be back here.

I shall say no more for the moment.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Deadbeat Club', B-52s.
Music

Gosh.

I hate to have to say this, but, having avoided everything the pop idol people have brought out up to this point if I possibly could, Gareth Gates' new single is the song that I've been hearing over the past two weeks and liking a lot and not knowing who it was by. Oh, dear. And the video's shot in Venice with lots of pretty masks. So I might have to forgive him for having taken part in Pop Idol - especially when one contrasts this song of his with Will Young's painful massacre of 'Light My Fire'...

Also, I have sparkly pens and nothing to do, so I'm back to drawing adorable cartoons of ciphergoth and friends. I wish I had a darker red though, nobody I know wears lipstick that bright...~g~

I can't get hurt any more today - people keep throwing things at me and I just laugh. I think I may be losing it slightly. After all, I like a Gareth Gates song.

I bet he didn't write it.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    This wretched song. Why do I like it? Ah well.
(I've tried patience)

Hmm.

Was reading back through my DeadJournal and found this :
"I don't think I'm in love. Maybe I just ache for the kind of easy closeness I know I could, but will never, have with him."
That was a while ago now.

I wonder if I'll ever have that with anybody - just the ability to be close and feel safe with a friend who I actually want to spend time with, without feeling like I have to impress them or anyone around them.

~disconsolate mewing~
~kitten brushes past sofa, surreptitiously brushing away tears at same time~

Yes. I know I'm only young and there's time, and so on. Yes. I know.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Bushfire', B-52s.
Music

Everyone needs this album.

Everyone has to go out and get Pulp's 'His 'N' Hers' if they haven't already got it. It's bloody brilliant.
Yes, I've had it for ages, but it's only just hit me how good it is.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Pink Glove', Pulp.