June 13th, 2002

(I've tried patience)

"I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark..."

I don't. I don't believe it. I don't believe. This. I don't. I don't believe it.
Well. The walls have gone up again, because without them, I don't know what I'd do. Here, at least, it's safe. If cold and lonely and even a little painful.

Every time I think I couldn't...it couldn't...
There is no end to this.

I feel as if someone just filled my body with weak acid.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Total Eclipse Of The Heart', Bonnie Tyler. Obviously.
I can fly!

.....

"They say riding a broomstick is like falling off a bicycle - you never forget how."
I can't believe I just said that. I think I need more sleep...

And I love you. Thank you.

Everything still hurts like nothing on earth, but there's sod all I can do about it, so. ~shrug~

Later : And I swear, it's a conspiracy. Some people just couldn't get any more gorgeous if they tried really, really hard. ~sigh~

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Just A Little Girl', Amy Studt (I think that's her name.)
(I've tried patience)

Gosh. And hugs.

I was just thinking so hard about how much I want to hug someone that I suddenly got hit by a crystal-clear image of it - almost physically hit, I rocked back in my chair at any rate. That doesn't happen to me often, and I can't recapture it now (I feel like Keats), which is probably for the best as it's not likely to be realised at all. But still. It was odd. To get hit that hard by it.

Just, ~hugs~. ~hugs~ to everyone who's going through bad times right now - or if hugs aren't what you want, then whatever it is that makes you feel safe and loved and grounded and comforted and generally less stressed.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Jane Says', Jane's Addiction. I love that song.
(I've tried patience)

(no subject)

I do have friends here.
I need to remember that they're important, too. That everyone is.
That we all let each other down sometimes, and that it's far outweighed by the number of times we're all there for one another.
And if you ever meet a guy called Dominic Carroll, punch him in the face for me. Well, check it's the right one first - he went to Goldsmiths.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Hero', Chad Kroeger.
(I've tried patience)

Well.

I did a lot of thinking, and a little sleeping, and a bit more thinking, and somehow everything's worked out ok.
No, really.
I realised that while it's ok for me to want more than I have, it's not ok for me to discount what I have just because I can't have what I want right now. What I have is wonderful and precious and it would be so insane to give it up.
And I love giolla. And wildeabandon. And asrana who's typing this for me because the school computers have fucked up again.

Just thought some of you might like to know.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'La Sorciere', some woman on this tape I had when I was young.