May 23rd, 2002

(I've tried patience)

Morning.

I Will Not Start The Day With Angst. ~s~

Had a lovely and wonderful conversation with asrana last night, during which she stated the obvious and I was taken aback by it. So perhaps it wasn't that obvious. Or I was hoping it wasn't true. Or something. ~s~
I love her so much.

Hmm. There are so many people on LJ I want to get to know.
And some of them have really apalling spelling. ~g~
And/or extraordinary hair out of disturbing faery books from my childhood.

And then There Was I-am-a-territorial-kitten-back-the-heck-off angst this morning, and I blinked at myself and said "At what point did this become 'yours'?" And figured it was probably around half ten last night when asrana stated the obvious.
Not mine at all, really. Not at all.
~hides big sharp stick behind sofa~ Feel free to get as close as you want. ~sweet smile~

And May has 'Jane Says'! Yay! Finally I get a copy of that wonderful song...
Not to mention another copy of 'Dreams In Digital' by Orgy. Rah!

~kitten playfully bats ball of yarn around in front of a sign that says "Aren't I cute? Stroke me!"~
Really. No sharp sticks anywhere. Because, not mine. So not allowed to be territorial kitten. I know that. I do.
No sharp sticks. ~kittenhalo~

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Living In A Magazine', Zoot Woman.
(I've tried patience)

Look at me!

I am actually, *actually* lost for words. ~laughs~ This never happens.

~big comedy feather swings into shot and knocks kitten over~

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Turn On', Fischerspooner.
I can fly!

Crash!

Just had a *very big*...well, I can only describe it as a bitchfight, really, with one of the characters. Sample dialogue :
Me : "I don't know what your fucking problem is, you get this all the time, can't some of us bask in reflected glory occasionally?"
Him : "You're overreacting so much, god you're a really sad little bitch, aren't you, hoping for any scrap of affection you can get?"
It kind of degenerated from there. I lost. ~shrug~

Apart from that, things are probably ok, but since "that" was the only thing that had previously dragged my day above the "generic depression" line...~wry smile~

~slinks behind sofa to lick wounds~

E.
x

I am ok though. Really. ~nods~ I promise. He's just...~exasperated shrug~
  • Current Music
    'Last Resort', Papa Roach, for my sins.
(I've tried patience)

So anyway...

There Was a post here. And it didn't look like this :

Once again the panic and insecurity and suchlike are building within me to the extent where I feel like sparks are flying from my fingertips. I hate this. There are times when I need to break something. There are times when that something is me.
(Yes; there are also times when I don't need to bother, because other people are doing it for me. But I think this one's all my own doing, so, hey.)

But now it does.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'I'll Get Over You', Sophie Ellis-Bextor.
(I've tried patience)

Ach, sorry, angst.

I shall go away now and leave you all in peace. I'm really sorry about that.

I really should make some kind of resolution to only write in my journal when I'm happy. ~s~

Love you. xxx

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'The Final Countdown', Europe.
I can fly!

~laughs~

Self-confidence levels are so bizarre today, I can't even begin to understand what they think they're doing.
An hour ago I was deep in "nobody's ever going to be interested in me".
Five minutes ago I was seriously considering asking somebody out, (or something along the same lines that sounds less like a twelve year old in the playground).
This is amusing, but frightening, as I don't want them to stay high enough that I might do something phenomenally stupid, like, well, like asking somebody out. ~laughs~

Bizarre.

I think I will go quietly offline before I send any extremely ill-advised emails.
~grin~ Nobody was wanting me to ask them out, were they? 'Cause I expect normal levels of extreme insecurity will be resumed everso shortly, and it certainly won't happen.
~amused~

E.
x
  • Current Music
    The same.
(I've tried patience)

See?

I go away for ten minutes, and it all goes back to normal. ~g~
No more self-confidence!
You're all safe! Promise!

~wanders back behind sofa, curls up and sighs, in as much as a kitten can sigh~

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Confide In Me', Kylie Minogue.
(I've tried patience)

Plan?

Plan. Frightening plan, but plan. Plan that requires a couple of days' thought, but plan.
At least someone else thinks there's some kind of hope for me.

Hmm.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'What About Us?', Brandy.
(I've tried patience)

Better now.

Smiling. Almost happy. Have things to do to occupy my time. Love giolla.

Friday tomorrow.

'Europa And The Pirate Twins' on my CD player.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Annie, I'm Not Your Daddy', Kid Creole & The Coconuts.