May 15th, 2002

(I've tried patience)

Oh.

Angst last night led to a 'sleep' full of horrific nightmares - in sleep I get what I deserve.
I don't know what to do today. I feel like my heart stopped beating last night. Anyone got any jump-leads?

And, oh. Guilt. Oh. I'm sorry, you.

Christ...I'm so frightened.
Gasping, curl-up-in-a-ball-so-you-don't-hurt-yourself frightened.
I don't know what to do.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    Peter Gabriel seems to be on loop for some reason...
(I've tried patience)

One good thing about my bad days...

...you lot have fewer entries to sift through. ~s~

Wednesday. Business as usual. Things are not okay. In a short while I've got to go and rehearse things with my mum and our absurd and awful director of music. Somehow I've got to put on bright & cheerful for mum. I'm getting better at it though...here's hoping she doesn't notice anything.

Insert lyrics to bad Oleta Adams song that I hate here.

I spent the morning in bed. I couldn't get up. I hate that. Motivation isn't something that happens to me anyway, but getting up and doing stuff that I actually *want* to do normally is. Although when I got up at midday and came downstairs to attempt to do something productive like watch TV, I was reminded why I hadn't - it was either non-stop J-Lo, or 'Blurry' by Puddle Of Mudd. Which had me in floods again in seconds. Gah.

Well, I can't hang around here all day. I have to go and find a voice.
And remember not to use it to tell anyone I'm falling for them.

I would like to hurt less, please. ~sigh~

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'The Promise', Arcadia.
I can fly!

ARGH.

And if anyone else says anything like "Oooh, your mother's coming to sing in Friday? Wow...you must be so proud of her...she's a Dame, right? Wow..." I shall smash their head into the nearest computer screen.
She's my mother. I love her because she's my mother.

ARGH.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    The same.
(I've tried patience)

Better.

If anyone wanted to know.

Mainly thanks to my mum, giolla (yes it goes without saying), pure_mourning (thank you) and my friend Sara.

And Mr. Back cancelling our English lesson, and the sunshine, and talking about my butterfly to Nadia, and me getting a signed photograph of Dido (~bounce~!), and Dasha getting her tongue pierced. And some really lovely people on LJ. And some real idiots who make me laugh. (Guess who?)

E.
x
  • Current Music
    Something by Placebo...can't remember which...
(I've tried patience)

We interrupt this programme...

Bah. Blasted sweet people, ruining my misery. ~grin~
Very occasionally, the people at school are actually rather lovely.
It's weird when the people in question are Gemma & co, though.

You know, thinking about this, I probably should warn *you* lot that you all ought to be careful being kind to me. It's a really good way to get me liking you more than you want.

This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Blurry', Puddle Of Mudd.
I can fly!

(no subject)

There was a post here. Now there isn't. This post has gone on holiday.
It might come back. With a tan.

Thank you.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    The same.
(I've tried patience)

~laughs~

Tasha : Look, I have soup in my hair. I'm not the one to be giving you love advice.

I love my friends.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'How You Remind Me', Nickelback.
Music

Wow!

Sonia just lent me the No Doubt album, as having heard 'Hella Good' and deeming it at least as good as 'Hey Baby', I figured the album was worth checking out.
It is. They've done the only thing that could have made me like them. They've hooked up to synths. I like. I like. It's all sparkly! And it's music to pose to! *YAY*!
There's the odd dodgy reggae-influenced bit - and if you know me you'll know that reggae is total anathema to me - but it's mainly just down-and-dirty electronic pop.
Happy me!

Also. I am loved. I really, really am.
So there.

E.
x
  • Current Music
    'Hella Good', No Doubt.