God, I had a couple of bizarre dreams last night. Not that this surprises me, as G will tell you I am the queen of bizarre dreams, but still.
The first one was set here, at the end of the year, and instead of a summer ball we were having a performance put on by the Andrew Jackson Acrobats, who were, um, led by Jack Fairy and her Ladyship, which was pretty damn weird anyway. ~shakes head~ They set up this huge marquee in the front quad, and it was all really exciting, and needless to say I really wanted to see them, but then someone came and told me that because I was bisexual, I wasn't allowed to go, and I had to sit in the KH kitchens and make cinnamon cookies instead.
Eh. What up with my brain? And the second one was weirder...I was part of a strange 1950s-magazine-style family, and we were escaping from a concentration camp in America...it was horrible. Yeesh. Anyway.
And, my god, only women replied to that post yesterday. I'm so amused. G, you're so right, we so have to. "Now everyone...repeat after me..." ~shakes head~
G - They had a great time last night, by the way. ~g~ Pretty pictures. At some point I'll try and write it. ~waves notebook~ I'm just having serious pronoun difficulty at the moment! ~giggles lots~ I don't know...it's all too strange...~g~
Someone's triggered the "You are pretty. You are also pretty. You two should be having fun, or, at the very least, sex." button in my head, and I'm really scared by who it is. ~s~
God, how do I convince him that he's not straight? ~looks at notebook and pen~ ~looks at the guy~ ~looks at the other guy~ But...but...how can you *not* find him attractive? He just *is*.
~sigh~ It's going to be a long day...I hate Wednesdays...
Later : Oh, hell, no! God, how annoying...~sigh~ G, that canon/big gun thing is really causing trouble. ~stares at the mess she's created and sighs~ So he's not....and he wouldn't...which would, I suppose, leave her free to...but then he lives...and she has to...but then there's last night...but then *he*'ll get really upset...oh...oh...bother.
You boring bastard. Why can't you do who we want you to do? Darn. ~starts unpicking story threads~
Is it Ash Wednesday? Oh, I think it is. Do we therefore have an hour-long chapel service? Oh, I think we do. Is it overtly Christian? Oh, I think it is. Do I therefore have to go? No, I think not.
An *hour* free!
To try and sort out this bloody mess. ~sigh~ You, sir, are an Annoying Gentleman.
Later : Oh, it's too difficult! Where's a G when you need one...~head in hands~
Oh, ok, you're hilarious, even if you do scare the hell out of me. ~bg~
Actually, that's another curious point. Why do I keep going and looking when I know it frightens me? Am I trying to face my fear? Do I think that the more I look, the less frightened I'll be?
Man, I'm introspective this week. ~s~
I listened to "Innamoramento" again the other day. ~sigh~ I...wish....
I wrote! I actually wrote! A really productive triple Latin lesson...I'm so proud of myself!
Of course, no-one but G can see it, but nevertheless, I'm so happy I actually managed to get some writing out that I had to cheer about it in public.
Yah, I did wonder.
~tilts head~ I'm starting to have a lot more respect for women, you know.
Later : ~chokes on drink~ Oh, god. ~cries~ So jealous so jealous so breathtakingly mindcrushingly heartbreakingly jealous.....oh, hell on toast (token Izzard reference)...oh god.
I'm...just going to go and cry now, I think.
I hate Wednesdays. Hate, hate, hate. Fuck. So jealous. Oh god. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
Even later : I'm suddenly struck by the towering irony of exactly what I'm jealous of, when something else ought to have made me jealous and isn't at all. Oh, and by the way, I'd appreciate people not trying to understand this...I'm just...diarying. Sorry all. xxxx
My writing...er...went down...well...~g~ Yay! ~pats them both on the head~ You two are inspirational to write about...mwah, and, quite possibly, mwah.
"Do you fuck as sweetly as you talk, my darling?"
"Twice as sweet and much, much slower."
~bg~ I'm so proud. They talk *nice*. Just not *often enough*. Say some words dammit...please? ~flutter flutter~ Anyway.
I wish to goodness I could carry the story on, but unfortunately, I've been hit by my usual problem - I actually have no idea, logistically, what happens next. *Damn* I need to watch some guys have sex...for purely educational purposes of course...I just can't write about it if I can't see it, and I can't see it because I never have seen it, and...you so don't need to hear this, right? Sorry. ~g~
Anyway. So, yay! Also, people have been really sweet today - Tasha gave me her glow-in-the-dark ranibow bracelet to cheer me up, and stuff.
Eh. If it wasn't Wednesday and one of my best friends wasn't suddenly off down the bulimia path again...~sigh~ It's so hard to know what to do for her. She detests the house staff - all the staff, actually - and doesn't trust any of them, won't talk to any of us about it, shuts herself in her room and screams at anyone if they go in, and then acts like nothing's happened. She's affecting the whole of her corridor, too - someone I care about very much has almost stopped eating entirely, unless someone comments on it, at which point she'll eat lots and lots of the same thing to prove that she's still eating.
~waves hands~ I feel really fucking helpless when there's things like this going on. Sigh.
My adored leopardskin pet posted a comment in my journal once, and I never saw it until now!
Oh, and someone remind me I have to write an essay tonight or early tomorrow, would you?
And oh, god, I've just realised I finished an earlier post with *kisses*. Shoot me. Please? Just...kill me now, right now.
I'm so going to have to grovel. Oy. I didn't mean it! I didn't! Eek!
I am so angry this evening. I don't know why - I just feel really really hostile. And I would actually kill for a phonecall. I really would.
Oh, no, wait. I know what's brought this on. It's sodding Valentine's Day tomorrow. Of course it is. Stupid me, forgetting. Heh.
Valentine's Day makes me extremely unhappy in the best of years. This year, though. Oh, god.
I really think I should just go to bed. And make pretty patterns on my skin. And wish I were good enough.
You know how I always say that on bad days, I write entries like the one below, and the best thing to do is ignore them?
Well, on bad days, I write entries like the one below, and the best thing to do is ignore them.
But then, I expect you were going to anyway - and without my even asking! Isn't that cute.