September 20th, 2001

(I've tried patience)


Don't have anything with long sleeves. Everybody hope for me that I don't get sent home again, k?

  • Current Music
    Kenneth Leighton Nunc Dimittis. So beautiful.
(I've tried patience)

Tee hee...

...just refound one of my & asrana's 'Alex & Mulder' conversations saved on here. We...we're *good*. ~ggls~

~thinks~ Beats me why Alex is so bothered about that $20, though.


  • Current Music
    'Red Rain', Peter Gabriel. Another one for asrana's tape...
(I've tried patience)


Do you like candles? I like to look at them when unlit.
Do you like hot wax? Actually, no.
Do you like incense? Yes.
Do you like the taste of blood? I prefer vinegar, but whatever.
Are you a masochist, sadist, both, or neither? Probably.
Are you one kinky son of a bitch? I go one better - I'm *several* kinky sons of bitches.
Sexual Preference: Not at all, thank you.
What song is stuck in your head right now? Amusingly, "I Just Can't Get You Out Of My Head" by Kylie Minogue. ~kicks side of head in impossible acrobatic feat~
Do you like stuffed animals? Not particularly. Only on occasion are they any substitute for people.
If you could murder anyone and get away with it, who and for what reason? ~thinks hard~ Well...not Amanda or Julie, I'm not honestly that cruel. And not mum's ex-husband, because he's not worth the effort. ~thinks~ It all comes back to that guy in Kent again.
Person you wish you could be with right now? ~sigh~ Mum, but she'd be angry about my scars (fading FAST, thank god.) asrana. Jamie Wakefield. ~sigh~ Someone who isn't Jewel.
What do you want done with your body when you die? Buried with a great deal of p&c.
Do you believe in time? No.
Do you believe in love? Yes.
Do you believe in soulmates? Yes, but there's more than one for everyone.
Do you believe in Love at first sight? SO not sure on that one.
Do you believe in Heaven? Not really.
Do you believe in Hell? Kind of.
Smoked? No.
Been Drunk as hell? Nobody gets drunk in hell...~shakes head~ *Honestly*.
Had sex with someone of the opposite sex? No. (Or yes.)
Had sex with someone of the same sex? No. (Certainly not.)
Shoplifted? Yes. (asrana? I'm shocked.)
Lied? Yes, always.
Betrayed a friend? Not intentionally, but yes.
Been to jail? No, not even Just Visiting.
Smoked weed? No.
Done LSD? No.
Done any other illegal drug? No.
Been engaged? On the phone.
Woke up and didn't know who the hell was next to you? Are you kidding? I've woken up and not known who the hell I *was*!
Had sex with something not of the human race? When I finally get around to sleeping with an anime character, I'll say yes to that one.
Had sex with something not alive? No.
Cheated on someone? Yes.
Used someone? All the time.
Paid someone for sex? No.
Been paid for sex? Um. (Or yes.)
Played strip poker? LOL No!
Skipped school? This morning, for one. ~s~ Slept through Archery. Shame.
Skipped school to get high/drunk? No.
Danced naked? ~frowns~ When I was little, probably.
Danced naked in public? Ditto.
Stolen money? Yes.
Stolen money from family? Not yet. Getting there, though.
Stolen drugs from family? No. ~has to break off to wander through various other worlds and give numerous rock stars hugs~ Eesh.
Been convicted of a crime? Not yet.
Dated someone because you heard they were easy? No, because I don't want sex. But I've done the equivalent.
Been called a whore? Yes.
Been called a bitch? Yes.
Watched porn? Yes, and laughed my *head* off. ~ggls~
Taped porn? Not really, since British TV doesn't tend to show it. I would, though, if it were on.
Kissed someone in a moving vehicle? ~cracks up and laughs and laughs and LAUGHS~ Er....not quite.
Had sex with someone in a moving vehicle? No.
Tried to kill yourself? Not *really*, no.
Tried to kill someone else? ~thinks~ I haven't. God, I want the chance.
Told someone you hated them? Yes.
Told someone you loved them and didn't mean it? Yes, oh yes.

  • Current Music
    Waltz for Printer and Keyboards.
(I've tried patience)

Oh my god.

I just tried to log in under my, actually *my*, Roedean account.

Guess what?

Not only could I - have I - got in...

...~cries with utter joy~ All my stuff it still here. All of it. All my Duran photos and *everything*. ~cries more~

I can't believe it. The school finally got something *right*.

  • Current Music
    'Let's Dance', 5ive. Yick.
(I've tried patience)


Stop. Singing. Staind. Stop. Singing. Staind. Stop. Singing. Staind.

That song is so *fucking* depressing!

~shakes self out~ Never mind. I'm off to look through my stuff. ~bounces~

  • Current Music
    'It's Been A While', Staind. AAARGH! Head. Out. Now.
(I've tried patience)

~astonished laughter~

I opened up one of my word-saved Nick/John RP conversations, and the little annoying paperclip popped up - but I couldn't believe what it had to say :

Today’s tip is: Plaid shirts and striped pants rarely make a positive fashion statement.

Nick is living in my X files! ROFLMFAO

  • Current Music
    Horrible aerobics music in the hall.
(I've tried patience)

Every so often...

...I drag this out of the woodwork and ask what everyone thinks, and what they think I should do with it. Rebecca, I think you've seen it before - I can't remember if anyone else has. Sorry, anyway, if this is the second or third time you're getting it. ~s~


I was in the club that night, I remember. Emerald satin, as is my wont, grey suede, grey chiffon. Face painted to perfection as always. One earring - well, you know, always a step ahead of the fashion. That's one thing they'll always be able to say about me.
"Darling, you're here!" shrieked a voice from behind me. I rolled my eyes and turned to face Bette. Now in her forties, she was fading and slackening in all directions, and miles away from the stunning and brilliant person I'd fallen for as a young - very young - man. Bette had known I loved her. I don't think she could have missed it. She played up to it at every possible occasion. She still thought I did. Ah, well, there you go.
Without the makeup, the dress, and the wig, Bette was Damien Harris. I knew Bette very well, but I had never managed to get to know Damien. Friends of mine said he was a miserable sod when he wasn't in drag - I believed them. I am fairly miserable myself without my dresses, even though I wouldn't be seen dead in the kind of pink-satin-and-lace confections Bette wore, wig piled so high we were always worried it would tip over and fall into the punch bowl.
It doesn't matter, anyway. Bette was becoming one of those sad, tired old queens you see around here from time to time, and it was terrifying for all of us, because watching her you knew, you knew that one day that would happen to you. Age, of course, happens to all of humanity, but it happens faster to us.
Bette kissed me on both cheeks. "My dear boy, you must come and see what I stumbled over yesterday!"
"Probably just fell over in those heels," muttered someone behind me, and I laughed.
"Oh, do come and see, you'll simply love him." I followed her. I didn't really have a lot of choice.
When I was growing up, I was fascinated by what my mother called "poor lost souls" and my father called "bloody poofters" - what the rest of the world called homosexuals. My mother, when she found out about this, tried to be understanding and caring, and stop my father throwing me out of the house. I can still remember quite clearly one argument they had, my mother saying in her calm, reasonable voice "John, just because he takes pity on the poor creatures, doesn't mean he'll become one of them."
Sometimes I wonder if I became gay just to prove her wrong.
Anyway, Bette was not the kind my mother had warned me about. They were the mysterious "rough types" - I had only met one once or twice, and they'd never tried anything with me. Bette was glorious and ridiculous and a long way beyond camp, and sometimes it was good just to get away from the real world and into hers. A world of fairytale frocks and chivalry - chivalry! If you think about it, it's absurd. But I wasn't in love with Bette any more. Hadn't been for a while now. Am I repeating myself? I have a tendency to do that. Do stop me if I do.
Bette led me over to the corner by the bar, where groups of younger men stood chatting, comparing conquests, swapping makeup tips and generally talking about things they couldn't talk about anywhere else. I had been a patron of this corner, once. I smiled. Bette went up to one of the men and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Sweetheart, there's someone I want you to meet." The young man turned to look at me. I smiled again. He smiled back. Bette smiled at us both. (What a happy trio we were.) "Daniel, this is Stephen. Have I told you about Stephen? No? Well, anyway, this is him. Darlings, do talk amongst yourselves for a minute, I'm dying for a drink..." and she was gone.
One of the boys beside us said "I'm dying for a fag, myself," and we all laughed, some nodding in agreement and some patting him on the shoulder, commiserating. I did neither, and, to his credit, Daniel noticed. "Not joining in?" he said, when the chatter had begun again. I shook my head. "Why not?" I shrugged. "You're a talkative one, aren't you?"
"Sorry," I apologised. This was somewhat awkward. He was tense - I didn't know why - and I was uncomfortable. I don't know the reason for that, either. Well - that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
"No need, honestly."
"So how did the Pink Meringue find you?" I asked. He frowned for a moment.
"The Pink...oh! Oh, be nice."
"Do you only ever open your mouth to apologise?" I risked a wicked grin.
"No, I open it for other things too, sometimes." The wicked grin paid off. He relaxed and laughed with me.
"I bet you do. So, the Pink Meringue…well, I sort of managed to collapse in the street, right in front of his house."
"Her house. Definitely her house, if we're talking about Bette. She gets furious if you -"
"No." He shook his head. "His house. Damien's. And Bette's, I suppose, but it was Damien who found me."


Any thoughts, any one?

  • Current Music
    'Down In The Park (Piano Version)' by Gary Numan.
(I've tried patience)


The computer room is full of bugs! Eeeeeeeeek!

  • Current Music
    'The Aircrash Bureau', Gary Numan.
(I've tried patience)

~deep breaths~

I am not not not not NOT not NOT going to say anything bad about him. No. No no no. Because it's unfair and mean and nasty and I just am NOT going to.

~blink blink~

Of course! It's *Tina's* fault I feel like that about him! Well, at least partly. My god, I'd been wondering why I had such HUGELY negative feelings towards the poor guy - except for his horrible "shirt" of course - when I've only really seen him once.

Oh. *Oh*. Well, that's a relief, I was really worrying myself.

~head in hands~ And I am not switching camps. No. No. No. No. No matter how well it's written. That would be like sanctioning...Ron/Harry! Or....or Trowa/Heero. Or....or Lestat/someone female! Aaaaaargh! ~is overcome by wrongness~

Dear me, no.

  • Current Music
    'Photograph', Gary Numan.