July 27th, 2001

(I've tried patience)

Something about this makes it good to be back...

So sue me, I've missed being on LJ. I decided it was probably time to make a clean-ish break and come back as more of a human being and less of a generic emotional screw-up than I left as last time.
So, hi. I've just come back from a choral course up in Rugby, on which I met some fascinating people. And....I expect that, among other things, restarting a LJ is an effort of optimism on my part, because I'm hoping that something interesting may eventually arise out of my acquaintance with one of there fascinating people. But that's just hope on my part.
Sigh. I want to talk about him for a bit. Nobody's listening, so that's ok. ~sheepish look~ Don't mind me.
His name is Tom (there's always something about them) and he lives about as far away from me as it's possible to be while still in the same country. He's a wonderful singer - baritone and occasional roving tenor. He's kind. Funny. Gorgeous. He does good impressions. Ought to wear eyeshadow, although a friend (let's call him Spiky Richard) says he'd also make a good goth. Which I agree with, I just like the eyeshadow thing.
He doesn't. ~g~
He's got a girlfriend. But he does like me. (Well, he didn't run screaming, which is a start.) He kissed me. Twice. On the neck; but that was only 'cause he couldn't reach my cheek, I think. This time yesterday I'd not even arrived home from the course and I already missed him; right now it's a vague ache in my chest, and I know what that means : it means nothing's going to happen with this guy. It's not going to be either of our faults, but nothing will anyhow. But I'm still being hopeful, because...it's such an odd feeling for me...for days I wanted to tell him how I felt and I didn't because I thought he'd react badly. I thought he'd think I was only talking to him 'cause I fancied him, which was completely wrong. And then when I finally told him...he was more than fine about it.
I could say a thousand things about him.
But I want to talk about Ben, because here's the only place I will or can.
There was another guy on the course called Ben, and I fell in love with him, and spent the whole course tagging along and trying to talk to him and watching as he paid more attention to everyone else. I cried over him every day, more than I've cried over anyone since...uh...since Dominic or even since Jamie. It was all very similar to Jamie in fact - Ben and he are alike, in many ways. Hmm.
Ben. I can't talk about him much. It hurts.
If he hadn't been there, then Tom would have taken all my attention for the whole week and...maybe that would have been a good thing and maybe not. As it was, it must be weird for Tom, because I made use of his agony aunt qualities a lot, and then I turn up and say I've liked him all week.
Why am I analysing this? He's a sweetie, and if he keeps writing, then I'll be happy, even if nothing happens with him.
So, a big hello to all the guys who won't read this : Belfast John, Weird James, Spiky Richard, Ronan (campest straight guy on the planet), John Who Loved Himself, Little Alex, Teeny Henry Jenkins, Tom, Big Ed, Ed The Bitch, Hugh The Teddy Bear, Will, Alex Double-Barrelled (The Bakewell Tart), Mike Phoenix, Brickie James, Postman Pat, Marcus The Seal, Craig (Looks like David Bowie), Our George, Richard Wilberforce, Big Henry, Tweedy, James The Collar and Counter Tenor Ben.

And now I'm going to supper with my nan. Goodbye. ~g~

(I've tried patience)

Another survey to get things kicking. Hooray!

[name] Emily
[nicknames] Em, Ems, I have been known as Falcor, Kheldara, Khel, DurAnorak, Weird Girl.
[home] Right here, right now.
[age] 17
[birthday] June 19
[grade] A, generally. ~g~
[class of] 2002
[sign] Gemini. Very, very Gemini.
[eye color] Blue/grey/green, depending on my mood.
[hair] Dark blonde.
[bf/gf] Well...no.
[parents] A singer and an actor, both relatively famous in their field.
[school] A fairly infamous prison in Brighton.
[school colours] Navy and, depending on which house you're in, Red, Yellow, Blue, Green or Lilac.
[mascot] Mine or my school's? I think school's is other people's money. Mine...my writing.
[clothing style] New Romantic or vaguely goth or just plain black 'cause it's slimming.
[pets] Johnny, Alex, and used to have Wash Westmoreland too.

[label] Chrysalis or Reformation. {/in-joke}
[band] Duran Duran, Erasure.
[singer] Simon Le Bon, David Sylvian, Andy Bell, Alison Moyet, Kate Bush, Clare Grogan, Boy George, Neil Arthur, Gary Numan, BILLY MacKENZIE, Midge Ure, blah blah blah blah...
[movie] Velvet Goldmine, Labyrinth, The Wedding Singer
[tv show] TOTP2. Never Mind The Buzzcocks. A Question of Pop.
[music genre] 80s and the glamorous end of indie. (Suede, Elastica, Menswe@r.)
[tv network] I'm in England, we don't have them.
[color crayon] Magenta. (Skids! ROFL)
[kind of pens] Those metallic ones.
[fruits] Bananas. (Have A Banana! ROFLMAO {/choral course in-joke})
[vegetables] Potatoes, rice (does rice count?), French beans...um...whatever really.
[flowers] Fritillaries, Roses, Ladies' Slippers, Nick.
[drinks (non-alki)] Coke! Coke! Coke!
[drinks (alki)] Champagne.
[juice flavor] Apple.
[toothpaste] Macleans.
[cereal] Start.
[candies] Almost anything. ~g~
[pie flavor] Apple.
[ice cream flavor] Vanilla, or Ben & Jerry's Choc Chip Cookie Dough.
[jolly rancher flavor] Ewwww.....
[skittle flavor] It's all good.
[color m & m] Can't stand them.
[poptart flavor] Chocolate marshmallow.
[kind of cookie] Ginger.
[pizza topping] Hawaiian.
[salad dressing] Just vinegar works for me.
[hangout] Anywhere that's not too loud.
[saying] "He doesn't suffer fools gladly." {/Izzard in-joke}
[quote] "Did nobody warn you, boy? Love's in vogue again." "Here I am, I'm a dotted line, cut the corners stick me to your door." "Catch me with your fizzy smile." And so on.
[teacher] Mrs Adams.
[day] Friday.
[month] December? June?
[season] Winter.
[number] 7 and 3.
[holidays] Christmas, Hallowe'en.
[shoes] I only have a couple of pairs. My black and purple sandals.
[polish] Currently my Revlon Sparkle.
[makeup] Depends whose birthday it is.
[perfume] Cerruti 1881
[guys cologne] God knows. (Actually I have an answer to that which I'm not going to write.)
[bath and body works smell] Ice cream.
[shampoo] Nicky Clarke Hairomatherapy. Crap name, great shampoo.
[conditioner] Whatever.
[store (in the mall)] I'm in England, thanks.
[store (not in the mall)] If it sells records, it's good.
[fast food place] Maccy D's.
[restaurants] The Thai Elephant II, Jackson's Wharf.
[body part] Hands, generally.
[cars] Porsches and Jags.
[star wars character] Obi-WanK enobi.
[garfield character] Garfield.
[rugrats character] Can't stand the bloody show.
[daria character] Very rarely watch it. The...the guy. ~shrug~
[Simpsons character] Erm...Mr Burns and/or Smithers.
[south park character] Fucking hate it. Trey and Matt. ~g~
[teletubby] Po.
[fair ride] That thing where they spin you round a lot.
[radio station] Heart 106.2 and Wave 105.2.
[font] Lucida Blackletter and Comic Sans MS.
[color of floppy disk] Iridescent purple.
[kitchen appliance] Knives. ~g~
[color of carpet] Whatever, it soon gets covered up anyway.
[color of lava lamp] Blue.
[excuse line] "I haven't done it, but if you hang on I'll do it in the first five minutes of class while you talk about your day yesterday."
[person to talk to online] Loads and loads of people.
[person to talk to on the phone] Gail.
[memories] There are lots. Tom kissing me on the neck. ~faints~
[thing to do on the weekend] Watch TV.
[thing to do in the daytime] Watch TV.
[thing to do at night] Sleep.
[thing to do in the summer] Hide indoors.
[thing to do in the fall] Wait for Hallowe'en.
[thing to do in the winter] Laugh at everyone who's cold whilst wearing sleeveless shirts.
[thing to do in the spring] Sit outside and be Nick.

[bands] Coldplay, Starsailor and Radiohead.
[subject] Biology.
[food] Aubergines and courgettes.
[color] Yellow.

*this or that*
[boxers or briefs?] Who cares? Boxers, I think.
[plaid or striped?] What are you referring to?
[scream or scream2 or scream3?] Scream4, in which a mysterious masked killer knifes all the creators of the first three Scream movies.
[urban legend or the faculty?] Who? What?
[star trek or star wars?] Trek.
[alt or rap?] Alt.
[ska or punk?] Punk, but real punk, none of this 'ere modern rubbish.
[classical or country?] Classical unless it's Jason Downs.
[salt or pepper?] Salt.
[coke or Pepsi?] If it's got caffeine, I don't care.
[dr. pepper or mr. pibb?) Mr. I *beg* your pardon???
[sprite, slice, or 7-up?] 7-up.
[skim, 1%, 2%, or whole milk?] It's *milk*, damn it. Who cares?
[rare, medium, or welldone?] Whatever. Rare, probably.
[skittles-original, tropical, or wildberry?] Don't like them much.
[m & m's-regular, peanut, peanut-butter, or almond?] Regular.
[hershey's-hugs or kisses] Ewwww, I HATE Hershey's.
[jolly ranchers or jolly rancher bubble gum?] Eww....
[tootsie roll pops or blow pops?] Pardon? ~ggls~
[chocolate or vanilla?] Vanilla.
[v-8 or hi-C?] Who? What?
[ken or barbie?] Ken! And Paul!
[bleh or blah?] Blah.
[okay, ok, or o.k.?] Ok.
[mono or stereo?] Huh?
[tp or kleenex?] Kleenex.
[sex, drugs, or rocknroll?] Rocknroll.
[shake or stir?] Stir.
[gray or grey?] Grey.
[pens, crayons, pastels, or colored pencils?] Pens.
[bright colors or dark colors?] Depends. Black, light purple, electric blue.
[fruit at the bottom or pre-stirred?] At the bottom.
[snap, crackle, or pop?] Crackle.
[half-empty or half-full?] Neither.
[beavis and butthead, king of the hill, or daria?] DARIA, definitely. What a dreadful choice.
[adidas, nike, fila, or reebok?] None if possible.
[spearmint, winterfresh, or peppermint?] Spearmint.
[big red, juicy fruit, or doublemint?] Doublemint (..."refreshes your breath - nat'raleeee...." Ahem.)
[big red or cinnaburst?) Who? What?
[tic-tacs or certs?] Tic-Tacs.
[sunshine or rain?] Both at the same time.
[rain or snow?] Rain.
[sun or moon?] Moon.
[silver or gold?] Silver usually.
[silk, cotton, or flannel sheets?] Silk would be nice, but cotton.
[frogs or toads?] Frogs.
[skaters or jocks?] Huh? Another American reference I guess.
[preps or freaks?] And another.
[cds or cassettes?] Vinyl.
[wild or mild?] Wild.
[rupaul or dennis rodman?] RuPaul.
[bsb or nsync?] Both are fine by me.
[keyboards-the normal kind or the separated kind?] Huh?
[tp-top or bottom?] I think I speak for everyone here when I say Huh?
[popcorn-with or w/out butter?] With.
[salsa-mild, medium, or hot?] Non-existant, please.
[ketchup, mayo, mustard, or relish?] Tomato sauce please.
[shampoo+conditioner in one or separate?] Separate

*what do you think of*
[leonardo Dicaprio] Boring and really really unattractive. (Sorry Johnny!)
[hanson] Ttttttaaaaayyllllloooorrrrrr! I LOVE YOU!
[calvin klein] Nowhere near as good as some of the other designers around.
[swing music] Mum likes it. Aaargh.
[pamela anderson lee] Probably nicer than she's meant to be.
[winnie the Pooh] ~vomit~ (Sorry G!)
[anime stuff] ~thunk~
[wal-mart] What are you supposed to think of it?
[the whole clinton-lewinsky thing] He clearly had no taste, and she...yeah, well, fill in your own punchline.
[supermodels] Should never try to sing.
[clowns] I hate them.
[pre-marital sex] Is a good thing for gay men, non?
[media violence] Don't watch it if you don't like it.
[mp3s] I can't play them, so I don't really care.
[year-round school] Oh, god, no.
[the whole gov't system] This year the choice in England was just a joke.

*if you were _______, what would you be?*
[a flower] A white rose, mehopes.
[an animal] A cat.
[a fruit] Being a banana would be fun. ~wg~
[a vegetable] Uh...my mind wants to say "carrot", but I don't know why.
[a spice] Cinnamon.
[a color] Blue?
[a bug] Praying mantis.

*short answer*
[are you left handed or right handed?] Right.
[are you smart?] Uh...yes.
[whats your middle name?] Hannah. ~spit~
[how many personalities do you have?] At least twenty.
[how many piercings do you have?] Two. Each ear.
[tattoos?] No.
[do you like v-8?] What is it?
[what was your first word?] "More."
[are you superstitious?] Not to an incapacitating level.
[do you read your horoscope?] Sometimes.
[do you believe in that stuff?] No.
[can you do a cartwheel?] No.
[do you have bangs?] Only when I'm John.
[do you have contact lenses?] No.
[do you have a retainer or braces?] No.
[can you drive?] No.
[what do you drive?] Everyone up the wall.
[do you snore?] Don't think so.
[do you drool in your sleep?] Rarely.
[do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge?] I lick them, using a sponge is so damn prissy.
[do you keep a journal?] This one, now.
[what languages do you know?] English, French, and I can understand German, a lot of Italian and some Catalan.
[whats the best awards show?] The Brits, probably.
[do you like onions?] No.
[do you like cotton candy?] Yes. (We call it candyfloss here.)
[do you like pina coladas?] No. And it's a CRAP song, as well.
[what instruments can you play?] Piano, flute (sort of) and my voice.
[what words do you overuse?] Actually, like, really, absolutely, completely, and bugger.
[what do you sleep in?] Nightgown.
[whats your bedtime?] About an hour ago. ~g~
[how many pillows do you have?] Two.
[do you like to dance?] Yes, on my own in a room full of mirrors.
[do you like to sing?] Very much.
[are you any good at it?] Er, yes.
[how many cds do you have?] About 100. (But nearly 1000 records.)
[do you like to talk on the phone?] Sometimes. Depends to whom.
[how many times have you moved houses?] Once, and I was two.
[what do you think of chain letters?] People must be very bored to create them.
[do you like where you live?] Yes.
[is your room messy?] Not right now - mum tidied it while I was away.
[how many people go to your school?] 460-odd.
[do you like your writing?] Yes.
[do you like to fingerpaint?] Yick, no.
[what do you smell like?] Me, I suppose.
[are you organized?] About some things and not others. You should see my record collection.
[what do you put on hotdogs and hamburgers?] Nada.
[what do you put on toast?] Butter.
[do you sleep with a stuffed animal?] Johnny.
[do you sleep with socks on?] No. (People do? Why?)
[are you ticklish?] Ridiculously.
[are you shy?] At the weirdest of times.
[do you talk to yourself?] No, I talk to other people that people can't see.
[got any lucky charms?] Several.
[is your house 1, 2, or 3 stories?] Three and a half.
[do you have a basement or an attic?] We have a cellar and I sleep in the ceiling.
[what flavor fluoride do you get at the dentist?] The flavour that makes you feel like your eyebrows are going to melt.
[did you go to preschool?] Yes.
[are you a morning person?] Yes.
[whats your favorite outfit?] Anything that looks good.
[do you have a friend that you wish wasnt?] Er...yes.
[who has the sexiest voice in the world?] Simon, Sylvian...Izzard...er....
[who has the most annoying voice in the world?] Emma Collins, an ex-acquaintance of mine. She sounded like a vacuum cleaner.
[whats your iq] I wish I knew.
[whats your purity test score?] Thirty-something. I think.
[do you believe in reincarnation?] I don't care much either way. I hope for my brother's sake it's true though.
[do you believe in God?] No.
[do you believe in aliens?] Yes, Mulder, I do.
[do you believe in ghosts?] Yes.
[do you believe in bigfoot?] Probably.
[do you believe in the loch ness monster?] Yes.
[whats your favorite feature (on yourself)?] My eyes and my hair.
[what do you do when you're nervous?] Shake.
[whos your role model?] Boy George.
[what celebrities do you look like?] Dare I say this, I can actually look quite like Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Er.
[what celebrities do you act like?] Nick Rhodes! And whoever else I'm being at the time.
[do you like classical music?] Some of it.
[how old do you wish you were?] Old enough to have been around and with cash in the early 80s.
[what will you name your daughter?] Not having kids, but if I did, Rhiannon or Bethany.
[son?] Ditto, ditto, Sebastian, Ben, Vyvyan, Tristan, etc. Basically anything that would make him hate me when he grew up. ~g~
[have you ever gone skinny dipping?] No.
[have you ever thought you were gonna die?] Briefly.
[wheres the farthest place you ever traveled?] Australia.
[where do you wanna go?] Back to America, and I am, so yay! :-D
[list all your classes] No, I can't be bothered.
[what religion are you?] Agnostic Jew.
[what's the best advice you've ever been given?] Life owes you fuck all. Oh, and "Hold tight onto daddy's bracelet".
[whats your motto?] Erm...come and have a go if you think you're hard enough? ROFL

*hard questions*
[three words to describe yourself] Pedantic, depressive, loving.
[would you rather be tall or short?] Tall, but then, I am.
[would you rather burn to death or freeze to death?] Freeze.
[are the best things in life free?] No.
[can money buy happiness?] No, but I can buy things that make you happy.
[overly happy but poor or unhappy and overly rich?] Unhappy but overly rich. (That's not a hard question, by the way.)
[do you think guys or girls have it easier?] Guys.
[would you eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000?] No way.
[if you could change your name, what would it be?] I don't know. Sebastian, I think.
[if you had a band what would you name it?] Dandyrama.
[what do you wanna be when you grow up?] A singer. At the moment.
[gonna go to college?] Dunno.
[where do you want to live?] Here.
[who do you love?] Many many people. Right now, Tom and Ben.
[who do you hate?] Also many people. Right now, Ben and Tara.
[if you had to dye your hair right now, what color would you make it?] Black, but I wouldn't want to.
[if you had to get a body piercing right now where would it be?] Argh. Um. Thinks. Um. Another ear piercing, methinks.
[if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would it be?] Right this second my brain wants to go with "A tiny heart on my neck where he kissed me" but a saner answer is a dragon across my back. Hey, if you *have* to do it, may as well do it big, non?
[if you were gonna be stuck on a deserted tropical island forever with
one other person who would you want it to be?] Johnny.

I love these things. All thanks to Joanne.

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