DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

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Sometimes I just feel like giving up.
Just to head off the predicted responses -
1) Yes, I am aware that everyone feels like that sometimes.
2) Yes, I am aware that I should just carry on and things will get better -
3) - or that they may not.
4) I know it wouldn't be right or fair or anything to give up, because -
5) - I know that I mean a lot to some people -
6) - even if it's not always the people I want to mean a lot to, because -
7) - life isn't fair.

I find it really, really strange that my arm currently looks like I smashed a window with it for the sole reason that I feel guilty for loving certain people (notice the plural there, please - and the absence of the words "being" "in" and "with").
I said this last week, but it's true. It's a crazy, crazy world when you're punished for loving people. It's even crazier when you feel you have to punish yourself.

Please don't tell me I'm over-...over-anything, really. It's just the way I feel, and this is my journal, and if I didn't trust people to be kind - please look up "kind" in a thesaurus and see if, by chance, "patronising" is referenced against it, because it's *not* what I mean - then I wouldn't be letting them see it.


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