DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

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The sun rises on another day of emotional rollercoasterness, methinks.

~sigh~ I can feel that heaviness pressing against my lungs again, and the tears wanting to come already. The synth I'm listening to wants to breathe me but I feel like I can't let it in. I'm both ecstatic and totally destroyed by last night - I can see pieces of me scattered all across my bedroom. I feel excited about Hedwig - there was another mini-preview on TV this morning - but I'm also afraid that I won't like it, and more than that, I'm completely terrified because I have to get to the cinema by myself, and I don't know that I can do that. I'm worried about asrana and I'm also annoyed because she should have called me, I'd have smoothed things over with my dad, I say I'm there for my friends and then they don't use me. I'm anxious - sadly enough - about the next BMB strip - those bastards saved me from dying (no, really) so I feel more for them than I really ought to.
The rage from yesterday has dissipated into a kind of randomised jealousy, not only of the person the rage was directed at, but of several other people as well. I hate jealousy.
I've also got that feeling of complete uselessness, where you know you should be able to do something and you can't. Like when you can't move in a dream, apparently, although that's never happened to me. I feel like one tiny kid with a pot plant competing against Capability Brown. (Would all those to whom that made sense please raise your hand?)
But I'm overjoyed that the CD that's playing at the moment is finally getting under my skin. I didn't like it at all for ages, and I so wanted to, because they're supposed to be the new early 80s-type band (Zoot Woman) and I just wasn't getting on with them, but last night something suddenly clicked. Hurrah.

So...depressed, ecstatic, destroyed, excited, afraid, terrified, anxious, worried (forgot worried), jealous, helpless, and overjoyed. I just love being me.


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