DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

Sorry about this, Gail...

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
I need to know someone's hearing it.
Just don't laugh at me.
Sorry, Stephen. I will never bitch about cathartic writing again.


I know Rob. I know him. I've met him. I've sat next to him on a sofa while Dom cuddled him and remarked on his cologne. I've talked to him about Madonna, sung Take A Bow at him.
I know Dom. I've sat on his bedroom floor, I've discussed his French prep with him, I've sat next to him on a sofa half-watching him and half-watching his favourite film. I can't remember seeing anyone so happy about a film as he was when I said I wanted to watch it. I can see his face right now.
I can see Rob's face, too - see the huge eyes and the long, long eyelashes. I can remember the ache in myself when I thought he might not be going to stay the night. I can remember him not having an overnight bag of any kind and wanting to go back and get it just after Gail set the alarm. Hell, I can remember knowing exactly who he was just seeing them walking down the street. I'm good at that. My gaydar went off. ~smiles and strokes gaydar~
I know these people. I've met them. I've talked to them. I've watched a movie with them. I've considered buying videos and soundtracks for them.


I think what's making me actually *angry*, is that even though I care so fucking much about them, and I want desperately to ring Rob, or Pete, or Nat, just to find out what in hell is going on, I'm going to be one of the lowest people on their list right now. Because Gail's spent hours, weeks telling me about them, and has told them, like, nothing about me. Which winds up with me feeling like I know them backwards ("if so, why are you so surprised at what Dom did?" -Alex) and them not even thinking about me right now. Whereas I'm thinking about them all the time - and yes, even if some of that is just...PETE!...I'm still thinking about them. I still want to know they're ok and want to be able to say something to them, and I'm not...relevant.

I sound kinda selfish like this and I don't mean to - it's not as though I want them to pay attention to me, not right now, I'm not the one that's important here - but I want the...the *right*...to be allowed to check they're ok. The *right* to try and talk to Dom. Or something.

Anyway, you're going to phone in a minute, so I'll go. Just...yeah. ~sigh~ You don't have to say anything. Within a second of you calling I'll be back on PETE anyway...~s~


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