DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,
DurAnorak
duranorak

So this is amazingly self-involved, and I'm sorry.

Hey, guys. Long time.

The winter Wishlist Meme is out and about again and I thought about posting it here, and then I thought, I literally never post here any more, it is a bit freaking much of me to never give you guys anything these days and then turn up just to be like 'I just know you want to give me stuff. give me stuff!'.

And then I thought some more about why I don't post here any more. I don't feel comfortable here, and I hate that. It's not your fault, it's just that I've changed so much since I added most of you, since I met most of you, and I have over the last two years thoroughly convinced myself that actually, the person I am these days isn't interesting to basically any of you. Which, actually, I am okay with, in and of itself; it's just that when it comes to this journal I feel like I ought to post as the person you used to know in whom you were interested, and I can't do that any more because I'm not that person any more. So. Here (or any time, but for the sake of saying something) is your chance to jump ship; no questions, no hard feelings, no regrets, no worries.

Things I am not, any more : polyamorous in any recognisable sense of the word; going clubbing all the time; buying lots of a) perfume b) makeup c) records; writing fiction or poetry; at the cutting edge of electronic music in London; sleeping with many or bizarre people; interested in sleeping with many or bizarre people; listening to Korean pop music on a regular basis; certifiable in my level of lunacy. If any of those things are the reasons you were still here, and you're not interested otherwise - and I promise that is okay - there will be no drama if you leave.

Things I am, now, or still : calmer & thus liable to post less histrionic things; pagan in a quiet but fairly serious way; defining broadly as asexual for the sake of my sanity (this is really complicated though); in love with music of most every kind; in love with poetry (though I have a separate journal where I collect that, at anotherhand); clubbing occasionally; kind of boring; valiantly and slowly struggling towards feminism; probably Asperger's, which explains a lot; getting on better with my parents, so fewer hilarious stories. If any of those things are a problem for you - and that is okay too, I have problems with things as well - there will be no drama if you leave.

I know this is just unbelievably narcissistic but I want so much to feel comfortable on LJ again and this is the only way I can think of to make that happen, not because I necessarily think you are all waiting for me to turn back into my former, more miserable but much more interesting self, but because my brain keeps telling me that is the case and I have to do what I can to neutralise that. So please forgive me how hilariously self-obsessed this is, and I hope it works. Thanks, kids. ♥
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