JLS make me sad inside - not because their music is terrible (of course it is) but because they seem to be made of faintly alarmed plasticine. The opening of their current video involves one of them staring into space as if he's in front of a firing squad. Also, does anyone else dream of the day when video directors abandon this ludicrous 'half-hearted dance routine in a dark room with some bright lights' idea for boybands? It's not a proud tradition, it's unbelievably lazy, especially when your boyband isn't attractive enough to carry the weight on their own. PUT THEM ON A CAROUSEL. SEND THEM INTO SPACE. DRESS THEM AS BUTTERFLIES. JUST DON'T DO THIS EVER AGAIN, thank you. (The song is so forgettable I can't hear it even though it's still on.)
Oh, hello, the Sugababes are happening to me again. I like it when they do that, generally; whoever writes their songs has a decent grasp of sexy electro and this ('Wear My Kiss') is no exception - it's a bit generic, but saved by the in-your-face intro and the adorable faux-fragile pre-chorus part sung by Heidi, who incidentally now appears to be the only remaining human member of the band. It's trash, but it's enjoyable trash, this - I expect it'll be making its way to my iPod eventually. I'd watch out, though, Heidi, I think the borg are probably coming for you too. :/
It's too easy to say 'I'm getting a bit worried about Rihanna' - and crass, too. So I won't. Instead, I'll say that I'm incredibly impressed with her; her latest single 'Russian Roulette' isn't my thing, but it's still a sweeping devotional epic that's unlike any other mainstream song I can think of. It's heartfelt high drama, an impassioned film soundtrack that could be about love or pain or bravery or indeed all three. I think it's amazing.
Since Viva insists on playing her song next, let's finally...ugh. I was going to say 'let's finally tackle the subject of Lady Gaga', but honestly, what on earth can I say that hasn't been rolled all over the internet already? Basically, 'Bad Romance' isn't even that, it's just a bored coupling between a record producer and his RealDoll. And it makes me very depressed that this much design talent is being wasted on someone who can't write good songs. Grace Jones she ain't.
Then I looked up and Robbie Williams was on the TV, which concerns me greatly as I'd thought 'Bodies' might have been a one-off joke. Apparently not; here, Robbie climbs through the mirror into Wonderland, and now he's dressed as the white rabbit. The cabbages in his garden are doing the soupy 1970s backing vocals. It's all so quirky! Sadly the entire song sounds like something by Mud done at pub karaoke by a hobbit. Which I'm not sure is something the world was particularly missing. Fetish models riding giant carrots are not helping your case, Robbie. Please go away.
Dear Jason Derulo : I am very glad you have been given a leg-up by Viva, but please don't immediately blow your cred with me by opening your song smugly warbling your own name. Has nobody taught you about Craig David? PS, that rock guitar in the background of your entirely average R&B single is a lie, and you should let it go home. I have read the stars and I can tell you now, it's never going to work out between you.
Damn, ran out of confidence - wanted to say something about Calvin Harris's most recent effort (which is a success! unlike all his previous ones) and the totally, totally unforgettable Groove Armada video I saw the other week - the song is just okay, but the video is absolutely devastating. Watch it. Right now. But then I decided no-one would care. All the same, vaguely considering (when I get my new computer, which should hopefully be soon) doing a weekly roundup of the charts of pop in order to keep my hand in, as part of the lack of confidence is knowing I'm out of practice and being able to see it in my own writing. Hmm.