DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

If we hadn't been there in the first place

When I was a kid, I wanted to change my name. I flickered around a few alternatives before, in a book, I found the one I wanted. I tried to change it back then, but no-one would listen. (My mum had got sick of the constant identity crisis by that point, I think, but, bless her, she did one year before that make me a birthday cake reading 'Happy Birthday Jenny'. Poor mum. She must have been mortified.)

Years later, it is still nagging at me. I hate my name, never thought it suited me, never let go of the name I found when I was eight, even though until recently I'd more or less forgotten where I found it or why I wanted it. But it doesn't go with my middle name, or my surname - which I also hate. It's still bothering me, though. A lot of people around me are setting in motion big change in their lives at the moment, and I'm happy for them, and of course I'm moving soon - oh, that's right, by the way, I'm moving soon, hopefully - and so I suppose my brain is looking for some way of marking it.

I'm not going to change my name; I've gone nearly 25 years - oh, that's right, by the way, I've got a birthday happening soon, but I'm not planning to do anything about it, don't worry - trying everything I could to avoid being laughed at, I'm not about to drop all that now and invite it. But.

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