DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

For a more complete journal entry, see here :

Hi, I am still alive, still having problems thinking it is worthwhile writing down anything I do. Nothing much changes, you know? scarethewolves came to stay with me for three weeks, a length of time which was too short by about, oh, years, and we had an amazing time and watched things, and then she went home and I braved Cambridge again to see the wife and other people; I buried lupie_stardust in Heroes again, watched dreamfracture shoot things with other things on a computer and spent time sitting out in the rain with navigatorsghost. It was good.

I also saw The Dark Knight, which I've been wanting to write about since about half way through it, stifled, like everything else, by believing nobody could care less what I think about it. But I did like it, although Christian Bale really needs to get something done about that cough.

I am still going to work, still not managing life as well as ordinary people do. Over the weekend I went to a party at booklectic's and I think that's the most people I've been around, other than at a club, for months. Which is not to say it wasn't lovely, just that I used to be able to manage social situations better - or did I? Maybe it's just that I used to force myself to go to them and then struggled and was insane at them, instead of avoiding them; I don't know which is better, and I kind of hate myself for not being available to people, as a great deal of my brain is wired up to have me want to be all things to all people, anything anyone needs, any time, and I really haven't been doing that lately. (On the plus side, doing that used to regularly wind up with me half-dead, which I also haven't been doing lately! Bonus.)

Blah blah self-analysis blah. I worked out a large percentage of why I have the issues I do with men? That was fun, by which I mean deeply tragic; sometimes I wish I could go back to little fourteen-year-old me and shake her. And I want to tell you all about why I have the issues! But it's too stupid, and why would you, and why would I, and why. why! so, you know.

ETA : Although my writing could be more irrelevant, I suppose. wh. whaaat.


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