I haven't posted in heinously long because I just haven't known what on earth to say. I've become convinced that nobody I don't talk to on a regular basis could possibly care about what is happening in my life or inside my head (I don't require cries of protest or anything - I genuinely can't imagine why anything I'd have to say would be interesting at this point); either it's mundane, because I am still working two days a week, still enjoying it, still unhappy, still trying to analyse my way out of being unhappy, still living in the same place, and so forth, or it's seventeen-year-old, because I am still unhappy and most of the rest of what goes on in my head has been remarkably horrible in the last few weeks.
I am afraid to say anything in case I upset anyone; I am afraid to say anything in case it invites ridicule; I am afraid to say anything in case it is viewed as tiresome rehashing of the past; I am afraid to say anything in case it makes someone angry with me; I am afraid to say anything in case nobody cares. I am afraid not to say anything in case everyone forgets who I am. Everything about this is deeply frustrating.
There's been a couple of vast discussions about feminism and gender-based discrimination on my Flist (I am still reading most things) that I feel I really ought to say something about, but see reasons 1-5 above why I can't bring myself to. I don't know what I'm supposed to talk about any more.
Help would be welcome. Goodness knows of what kind.
E.
x
