Anyway. Last night I somehow struggled my way through the St. John Passion (listening, not singing; singing I would have been fine) and tomorrow I have to go and singalong-a-requiem at home, but at least I will be back for the party on Saturday. Also everything is kind of broken and a bit dreadful but then when is it ever not? I'm sure you're all getting tired of hearing that. I'm certainly getting tired of saying it.
My family is all in pieces. I don't know how to put any of it back together. Once I thought that when mum stopped singing it would be okay because we'd all be a strong family who loved each other and could keep her going through what would undeniably be a very difficult few years. Now we all hate each other and I don't want to live to see her stop and fade and die. I feel appalling.
Sorry. But there it is. I expect sooner or later a man will express vague interest in me and then I'll feel better for at least twenty minutes. That's what tends to happen.
I wish I could start again.