DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

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And I think we've all heard this one before...

Anton Stadler lurched into a tavern, clearly having had one too many drinks already. The tavern waiter, who was a foreigner, stared at him in disbelief as he flung himself on a bench and tossed a small burlap sack on the table. It jangled unmercifully.

"Can I get you anything?" asked the waiter, in a thick American accent.

Stadler scowled up at him, the opened the bag. Out he pulled a beautiful little piano made of polished oak, with beautiful ivory and ebony keys. It was about eighteen inches long, and exquisitely made, complete with painted cherubs under the lid.

"Wow!" beamed the American waiter.

But that wasn't all! Stadler looked at him with disgust, then reached in and pulled out a small piano bench, perfectly in scale with the instrument itself. The waiter, fascinated, sat down on the opposite side of the table. "This is remarkable," he cried, "What else do you have?"

With a subdued snarl, he reached nside and pulled out -- Mozart! The waiter had heard that Mozart was a very small man, but not THIS small! In fact, he measured only about twelve inches in height! He was beautifully dressed, like an exquisite doll, but his attitude was far from doll-like. He was angry and shouting and shaking his tiny fist, his voice so small and squeaky that he sounded more like a mouse than man.

"Oh, shut up!" Stadlershot back at the miniaturized mozart.

"This would never have happened if you hadn't swiped my pawn tickets!" cried the tiny voice.

"Never mind that now --- waiter, can you get us a couple of beers?"

"Does he really play that piano?" The waiter was astonished.

"Does he really play...of course he does, you Yankee twit -- he's Mozart, remember?"

That being said, Mozart reluctantly sat down at the piano and played an improvization hat was proof enough of his identity. As he played, the waiter stared at Stadler in admiration. "How did you ever do this?"

Stadler reached into his sack one last time, and he drew out an old Aladdin's lamp, still with the pawnbroker's claim number attached to the handle. "Find out for yourself," he said, "and hurry up with those two beers."

The waiter was very curious now, and he took the lamp in both hands. "Is this for real?"

"I told you -- find out for yourself."

"Yeah," Mozart chimed in, "Find out!"

The waiter rubbed the lamp, and in a puff of purple smoke, a beautiful Genie appeared. Her luxurious hair was lavender, as were her shear coulats. Her jerkin was deep purple, and her arms, neck and ears dripped with gold and jewelled bangles. "What is your wish, O Master?" she smiled.

The waiter gasped in wonder, then cried out, "I wish for...for a million Continental American bucks!"

The Genie disappeaed back inside the lamp, and moments later, a fat white duck waddled into the tavern. It was soon followed by another, then another, and within minutes, the tavern was filled to bursting with flapping, quacking ducks.

The dismayed waitertossed aside two or three of them. "Your genie is hard of hearing," he complained. "I asked her for a million BUCKS. What am I going to do with a million DUCKS?"

Stadler smiled cynically. "Yeah...and do you really think I'd have wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"

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