DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

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Oh dear.

There's an entry in a music sharing community I'm on that reads :

"REQUEST: Morningwood. I want 'take off your clothes' and 'jetsetter'
it's for a good cause, im trying to woe a lady friend with my good taste in music"

I wish it'd been a request for a band who weren't as good as Morningwood, then it would have been even more amusing.

I am so very, very tired.

Edit : You know, Gmail links sometimes throw you the strangest things.
Wow. WOW.

"Women, I ask you to PLEASE look in your son or daughters rooms and really take alook at the music and movies they are exposing themselves to. My husband and I are debating storngly about sending our son to seek some professional help. Right now I amvery upset and do not know what to do. I do not want my son to become a pervert. I do not know how he got interested in this stuff at all. And I thought Marylin Manson was the sickest thing around."


"Well as I already said noise has had an adverse effect on both mine and my son's life, in fact my house almost burnt down because of it:(( Besides that episode there has also been blown speakers on my new stereo, my dog has taken to hiding when my son is home, and my daughter Ella cried all of last halloween because the sounds reminded her of those that emanate from my son's room."

I'm kind of fascinated.
From the 'Bands Watch List' :

Magik Markers- Hailed by many amongst the noise elite as a "second coming of the band Harry P****", this band would maybe be considered a "rock band" if in fact they bothered writing songs! The spelling of their name should set off some alarm bells in and of itself; with Magic Markers being the prefered choice of vandal "graphitti artists", and the spelling of "magik" bringing to mind the self proclaimed drug addict and "wickedest man alive", Aliester Crowley (who is a hero to many of these degenerates). Apparently this band eschews even the rudimentary skill of writing a rock and roll song, instead they simply make everything up as they go along! (always under the influence of marijuana and other hallucinogens). While their "flower power" image may seem like a harmless throwback to the more "innocent" times of the 1960s, make no mistake: they lack even the sub-moronic ethos of those past protestors of bras and barbershops.

1) I think you mean "Hairy P****", unless I have missed some illiterate wizarding-inspired noise band.
2) OH NO NOT THE MAGIC MARKERS, I think you'll find that possibly more 'graphitti artists' use spray paint. HTH.
3) 'Aleister'. Please. Know your fucking enemy.
4) Know your fucking drugs, also.
5) "You have the sub-moronic ethos of a past protester of barbershops" = BEST INSULT EVER.

Costes- ...He was once married to the underground "queen" Lisa Carver (a former(?) prositute), and "sang" on an album
with her fantasizing about the rape of Toilet Rocker GG Allin (who is not technically a noise performer, but if your child has any of HIS albums seek help IMMEDIATLY)!

I don't listen to noise because I don't like it, and therefore have no idea who this man is, obviously. That's not the point though, the point is I keep imagining the people who'd read this and go through their kid's stuff looking for Toilet Rocker GG Allin and then, on finding his albums (wildly unlikely in any case), having hysterical crying fits and ringing the County Shrink. I just. I fail at comprehending this. I also fail at comprehending this :

John Cage- Known as "the father of noise" to his devoted followers, ironically this post-modern "composer"'s most well know work is titled 4"33', which was nothing more than four minutes and thirty three seconds of silence! While this may seem like it
would be pleasant to listen to, compared with most of the sonic garbage of his offspring, who could consider it to be music, much less by a Composer? A more careful look into the title reveals something interesting: there are four hundred and thirty three active ingredients in the drug marijuana. (the phrase 420, used by many pot heads, was based on a study of the drug before the Harrison Drug Act of 1916, in which only four hundred twenty active ingredients were found. Later, 13 more were discovered). Cage was also an avid mushroom collector, coincidentally psychedelic mushrooms are another popular escape for drug users! Ironically, Cage's life can be used as a potent object lesson for the escapist noise fan, he died of a drug overdose, and his life, turned out, to be a Cage.

Well, you slay me with your razor-sharp moral punstick.

Prurient also is rumored to be involved in gay porn, but I cannot confirm this. He appeals to the most desperate and debased of our youth.

...OH NO!

Now, Whitehouse really are an unpleasant bunch of fuckers, as I'm sure even Oliver will agree. Therefore I found myself almost nodding along with the site's paragraph about them - after all :

If your child has any Whitehouse CDs, stop everything and please think of getting them professional help

Makes sense to me. And then I read the afterthought to this sentence. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE :

(I suggest Military School over therapy's psycho-babble).

Although I can't disagree with the final paragraph of the page :

RADIOHEAD: a lot of people keep asking why i included them into this list, but they are what i consider a 'gateway band', my son was started out by listening to Radiohead. By presenting a plastic commercialized pop product this act has effortlessly slipped under the radar of a lot of watchdog groups. They use alot electronic noise and noise imagery within compositions and it may on the surface seem harmless. If your child only has pop records and a Radiohead record, it might not be too late to save them.... please remove Radiohead CDs from their music collection.

Well, absolutely.
But, what. I mean. WHAT. I don't like noise, probably partly because I don't get it, it is too brutal for me and I do prefer to listen to something with a tune, and as you all know I don't mean by that that my music collection consists entirely of Phil Collins and Mozart, I just don't reach as far in the experimental direction as noise. I would hesitantly suggest that if your twelve-year-old child is listening to Whitehouse you have either a future or a current serious problem on your hands. However. WHAT THE FUCK. JOHN CAGE'S LIFE WAS A CAGE. God, honestly, why do these people always have to be such nutters?

Finally, words from a Mother who Speaks Out Against Noise :

During my research I have uncovered the true secrets of a master plan to enslave mankind thru this music. I have first hand experience what this Noise Music can do to children. Lucky for us parents this trend in music has not really caught on with the vast majority of kids, so we may have a chance to stop this disease before it spreads any further. If we fail humanity may be lost.
We must cleanse the earth of evil for the new world order to exist.

What's wrong with this picture?

Yours in total bewilderment,

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