• Mood: blank
• Music: 'God Is A DJ', Faithless.

I really should be asleep. This would be much more coherent if I wrote it tomorrow.

Conspicuously absent from the Modern gig again - notintheseheels is ill and I really didn't feel like going out and dancing anyway.

I sometimes wonder how other people, who aren't us, and indeed who are they anyway, conduct relationships. notintheseheels said to me today that "Everyone has a cellar", i.e. everyone's got something dark somewhere, everyone's got something that either they're scared of, or would scare other people, or both. I know a lot of people who happily open that trapdoor (as it were; the song's going to be stuck in my head now, isn't it?) all the time and let everything out, or give people torches and let them climb down; I know a lot of goths, who know how to use their cellars or indeed occasionally just move all their furniture down there and use it as their own little flat. I know a lot of introspective people who spend their lives sorting through all the stuff in their cellars and throwing it away or storing it back upstairs. I think that's probably good.

But there are so many people who don't do that. How do they have relationships? How do they hide the trapdoor, or divert attention away from it, or, weirder, how do they not notice that it's there themselves? Doesn't it sound hollow when they walk over it?

Doesn't it sound hollow when they walk over it?

I feel like I've spent the whole of today smacking my face into a glass wall again and again and again. Ow.

E.
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