It's not that it's impossible to write. It's just that I'm paralysed by fear. It's a funny thing, fandom. It's (a lot of the time) a deeply welcoming environment, and also often a deeply welcome one, in the same way that happening across any community (online or otherwise) where you think "I thought I was the only one" can be. I don't particularly take the actual fiction all that seriously (some of it's beautifully written and moves me a lot, but as a whole, I mean), but the sense of community? The feeling of not being on your own? That's always something to be taken seriously, and having the comfort of that threatened is as upsetting and infuriating as having your BDSM community ridiculed and despised or having your film club derided and attacked or, y'know, whatever.
So I don't really want to stand up and let myself in for all of that. Again.
This post isn't actually about that, it's about having run across a very new (and therefore not named, as I wouldn't want it to be deluged with people) community of writers, the idea being to write, and post in the community, at least 100 words a day. I want to join. I'm terrified to join.
I'm not 'a writer', I've never really considered myself 'a writer'. Sometimes I'll write something that works. Most of the time that's entirely by accident. At the moment, for the first time in a very long while, I've got some ideas for fanfic in my head and I desperately want to write them out. But I don't think I'm good enough to join this community. In theory, joining should be about practice and becoming better. I just don't think I'm good enough to even start.
Plus they're all friends, I don't know most of them at all and I'd feel like gatecrashing even though I know it's not a closed community in that sense.
I really am going back to bed now, honest.