DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

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One day, you'll be alone in these dreams...one day...

I am so phenomenally glad I decided to go out tonight - for a while there I was feeling too tired to go anywhere, and I was having second thoughts even though The Modern are the best thing in the world. But I went, to possibly the tiniest venue I've ever been in or even anywhere near, and watched my band play an absolutely fantastic gig.

I don't know how - or indeed whether - to describe what I feel at their gigs. It's not just some of the best songs I've ever heard being played by some of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. When I'm there, and they're playing, I feel more like myself than I ever do anywhere else. You know, I love my friends, and I've loved playing at being a goth over the last few years, and discovering music from genres I'd never have dreamed I'd like, but none of that is who I am at heart. At heart - and it's probably a satin heart, with an embroidered pierrot on it - I am a New Romantic and I always will be, I embrace the same combined romanticised future and romanticised past that they always did, and when I'm at a Modern gig, dancing to 'Discotheque Francaise' or the utterly wonderful 'Seven Oceans' (which I heard tonight for the first time in ages) it's basically the only time in my life I have ever felt that it's all right to love the things I love. It's not as if I expect people to stop mocking the early 80s or to stop mocking me for loving it - it's all affectionately done and in any case, people can think whatever they like, of course - but being at their gigs is like having someone come up to me and say, "You know what? The early 80s were fucking great, and you are completely right to love them like you do. Let's dance."

That's precious to me. I've fought for that music - I've said this before. When I was at school I got in one or two physical fights over it; I had to put up with people coming into my room and ripping my posters down because they were so disgusted with the boys in makeup. People tell me Duran Duran are crap when they're not even sure they've heard a single one of their songs. I'll never stop flying the flag of my music, but god, it gets tiring sometimes. Especially when it's people I love, whose views I respect, slagging off what really is the most important thing in my little world. So being given a grin and a hug and permission to party like it's 1982 is, like I said, precious.

Plus, you know, The Modern are phenomenally gorgeous and I got spanked with the Ringmaster's riding crop in passing and Emma must have recognised me from previous gigs because she said hi, and they played my favourite song and they're going to have another club night and I'll see them again on the 12th and skeptical indie types were dancing by the end of the night and Nathan makes me cry in 'Seven Oceans' and Chi seems to have discovered that he's got hips and the new version of 'Tokyo Girls' is totally growing on me and everyone in the club loved 'Jane Falls Down' and it's out in a couple of weeks and I never thought I'd feel this way about a band but here they are. They do the things you want them to. No credit card required.

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