I was involved in a detective series - only we didn't know it was a series, i.e. we didn't realise we were being filmed, we thought it was all genuine. It was me, the newest apprentice, and then the old apprentice (who was getting ready to leave) and the cynical growly detective, played by John Nettles, and he lived in a dingy basement flat in West London somewhere, and upon coming home one day he'd discovered Simon Le Bon living wild in his laundry cupboard.
As you would with any wild animal, he'd been wary of approaching Simon at first, but had soon got him eating bread and cheese out of his hand. However, it couldn't continue, so he'd roped me and his other assistant in to find out where Simon's natural home might be and why he might be hiding out in a TV detective's laundry cupboard. But when we arrived at the flat, Simon had broken free, despite twisting his ankle badly the day before. We didn't know where he was, but John Nettles said there was a roof terrace and he might be there, so we all scrambled up towards the fourth floor, where tall double windows led out onto an ornate marble roof terrace. And John Nettles said, "Oh, it's changed again, it's that lot. I'm not going out there." and shoved me through the windows instead.
Whereupon I joined a party that was talking place in these beautiful marble surroundings. It was a party mostly involving drugs, variously being taken by lolliepopp, katyha, Alan Cumming, Keanu Reeves and Joaquim Phoenix, the latter two being largely taken up with kissing and ripping one another's priest outfits off. At one point Alan threw a mock overdose fit, spluttering and thrashing everywhere, and then blinked up at us and said, very definitely, "Soap." lolliepopp immediately jumped up and pointed at the bubbles that - for some reason - were all around us - and decided that they were The Soap Bubbles of Hope, and had in fact saved his life.
Then I woke up. I never did find out what Simon Le Bon was doing in with the laundry.