Yes, it's also an excuse for me not to write anything much new. Which is nice, 'cause 'm tired.
"This is all very good, and seeing the words 'Lobster and Crayfish Caesar Salad' was like seeing the words 'Congratulations, you win at life'."
"Ah, pop culture, how you overtake my life - my head is full of Top Gear slash and Richard Hammond singing 'Laid'."
"Dude. The radio is playing Julian Lennon at me. This is just weird."
"(Why have I put 'Welcome To The Jungle' on an electro tape?!) Sorry, there was some sleep in between then and now, and also excessively good salad and a chicken doing its very best under the circumstances. And now I'm almost awake again, but then having Axl Rose whimpering in your ears will do that. Although he's singing "And when you're high you never ever wanna come down" which is MANIFESTLY UNTRUE as I would like very much to land soon."
"Sorry, must briefly stop because the Virgin channel has just been interrupted by 1) Ruby Wax telling me I have the skin of a dead fish because I'm British, and 2) the legend 'Remember : you can't polish a turd.' With no explanation whatsoever."
"Obviously Richard Hammond has cheekbones like sin and eyes like geometry, but it's why we love him. Can you tell this is a long flight yet? Ahem. As Ricky Wilson has - genuinely - just said in my ear, "We're going to hell anyway, let's travel first class.""
"Getting this down before I pass out from exhaustion - storm hit just as we landed, stalling us hopelessly, but I failed to get out in it. We did however eventually get to do bits of the Magic Kingdom including the rather excellent Haunted Mansion before collapsing due to tired."
"It's also just occurred to me that the most obvious thing in the world is Clive Barker/Neil Gaiman slash, and I take this to mean that I Have Not Been On Enough Rides."
"That was yesterday and this is today, and yesterday eventually saw me fleeing the gorgeous Epcot fireworks in the throes of a nasty, lasting migraine. Bah."
"So, right, yeah, other things we did yesterday - Journey Into Imagination with Professor Eric Idle and Figment the purple dragon of ultimate cute; Soarin', which wins Best Technology Ever..."
"Today has been A Good Day. asrana is wonderful and we stood in a thunderstorm with me getting soaked to the skin, harmonising 'Hakuna Matata' and laughing at the sea of running people in ponchos. Of such stuff are friendships made."
"At MGM there was the Rock & Roller Coaster (of course) - twice (of course, because it's GREAT) - and the Great Movie Ride (dating, slowly) and Muppet 3D (dating, fast) and then Beauty & The Beast on stage condensed into 30 minutes, which was honestly lovely, although CHOCK FULL OF GAY."
"We arrived back here in time to watch the Magic Kingdom Fireworks across the lake; the sky was full of golden stars and I have rarely seen anything more beautiful."
"Magic Kingdom - hot to point of insanity...Jungle River Ride with comedy announcer whose bad puns might have made you want to escape into the jaws of a waiting animatronic hippo...Enchanted Tiki Room (with gay Zazu action)...eventually we gave up and escaped to the shops. Yay shops! Evening was my godmother turning up for an insanely good dinner at Downtown Disney, then to see Cirque Du Soleil do La Nouba. German Wheels, with blacklit twins in perfect synch, a bouncy floor and they've worked out how to juggle people, using a trampoline. Yay! for Cirque - again."
There are no journal entries for this day.
"Exhausted of Swindon writes :
Yesterday we swam with dolphins. They feel like rubber.
I feel this somehow fails to communicate the wonder of the experience."
"Also there was swimming with coral reef fish - huge stingrays as big as me, parrotfish, angelfish, other fish whose names we can't remember, and some sharks behind near-invisible glass. And an aviary. With a kookaburra. I was happy."
"Thence (oh god I wrote 'thence', shoot me) to Sea World...and we watched an outstandingly twee show called 'Blue Horizons' which went like this :
Vocalist : Ah, aaaaah, imagination can take you anywhere, la la la la LA LA I USED TO WORK FOR DISNEY YOU KNOW.
Girl : [mimes jumping out of bedroom window]
Audience : [sympathise]
Portly bloke in wetsuit : [turns out to be Delphis, spirit of the dolphins]
Audience : [are not entirely convinced]
Dolphins : [do some tricks]
Audience : [feel vindicated]
Woman dressed as parrot : [does some minor aerobatics]
Men dressed as men in wetsuits with silly hats : [cock up their trapeze act]
Audience : [fail to tremble in awe at Aurora spirit of the sky and her slightly inept henchmen the Parrot Chuckle Brothers]"
"Kraken at Sea World : best rollercoaster all week."
"Detracting totally from watching Shamu, one of the other killer whales had a baby! Which was tiny! Relatively speaking! And it did tricks! A bit! And was intensely cute, though still not quite as cute as the dolphin babies we happened upon afterwards, one of which had only been born the day before. So tiny. We were overcome."
"So after that we really should have had the sense to spend a day not doing much, only there was so much to do, including going to Universal Studios' Islands Of Adventure. I shall summarise the day thus :
* The first rollercoaster bored me almost literally to tears.
* The second gave me mild concussion.
* Both of us were ill by the end of the day.
* Poseidon and Darth Magneto had a big gay fight.
* Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a bloody great film.
For verily, the highlight of our day was watching the be-rubber-gloved Johnny Depp being insane all over the screen in the new and very shiny version of the great story...New Wallace & Gromit film looks great; also saw the trailer for The Corpse Bride. !!!!!!one."
There are no journal entries for this day.
"Yesterday was hot and tiring and eventually made me properly ill, but I decided I'd risk staying late in the Magic Kingdom and I'm glad I did; asrana and I appeased our respective inner children by doing the Winnie The Pooh and Peter Pan rides, both of which are adorable, seeing Mickey's Philharmagic (far newer and shinier 3D effects than the Muppets, complete with cake) and then, in the still of the night, venturing to the greatest horror of them all, the ride where hundreds of fixed and manic dolls stare at you as you pass and the air is filled with the senseless, endless repetition of an unearthly song.
Yes, that one."
"And today we're going home. Which is frankly strange, but also, one way and another, welcome."
"America is a funny country. It censored my e-mail. And in this infuriating first class lounge where there is no internet access unless you come with your own wireless card, there is a small practice golf run I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS COUNTRY."
"Florida, by the way, doesn't have a real sky. It has a ceiling with ever-changing paintings. The ceiling is vast, yes, but the paintings are too perfect to be anything else."
"Darkening skies out there. I suppose in a way on this flight we're chasing the sun. I like that idea."
"We travel between the dark and light. On my right the darkness is grey and enveloping; on my left a line of gold hovers over the clouds - a thin line, before the atmosphere it lights becomes, suddenly, black and night. It's bizarre, eerie and beautiful.
Pretentiousness aside, food good, sleep now."
"Home. I know home from the sky: little fields and little hedgerows and little shiny cars, like a huge spreading model railway, mostly in working order. I like home. We're not far now."