DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,

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For stumphed.

S!Billy : *tentatively pushes open the door while everyone's asleep* *looks around the room, finding it in darkness* *switches on the light, wincing at the brightness, and creeps in, quietly dragging a small rostrum behind him* *sets it down on the floor and steps up onto it, pulling a little sockpuppetty microphone out of his pocket* *taps it nervously, whispering 'one two, one two, bananas' into it, and then, upon discovering that it works, shuffles his little sockpuppet feet on the rostrum, coughs once or twice, and then looks up* *throws off his coat to reveal full black-and-white eveningwear, little shiny black-and-white shoes and everything, and does a little tapdance* *grins and takes a breath and sings* Happy birthday to you...happy birthday to you...happy birthday, dear Joey...happy birthday to you...*smiles a bit sheepishly* I was going to sing the silly Joey Billy birthday song, but Emily wasn't awake enough to write it, so -

S!Dom : *barges in, looking around and blinking when he sees Billy* Oh, hello. I wondered what the light was about. Singing the silly Joey Billy birthday song?

S!Billy : *hands in his pocketses* I would be, but nobody's written it yet.

S!Dom : Don't be ridiculous. We can all write it.

S!Billy : *blinks* All?

S!Dom : *whistles*

S!Orli, S!Viggo, S!Sean, S!Lij, S!Craig, S!Karl : *enter and shuffle into a line*

S!Billy : ...oh. *brightens* We could do a verse each!

S!Dom : That's pretty much what I was thinking, yes. Right. *claps his hands, nodding at the other sockpuppets* Form up!

S!Everyone : *gets up on the rostrum with Billy*

S!Dom : *joins them* Anything goes, lads. Bills, you start.

S!Billy : *nods and does another very little dance and sings*
Oh... my name it is Billy, yes, Billy Boyd am I -
We heard it was your birthday, so we thought we'd all drop by;
When sockpuppets all love you what can possibly go wrong?
That's why this is the silly Joey Billy birthday song!

S!Dom : See? Easy. Who's going next?

S!Orli : *steps forward and sings, surprisingly well*
My name is Orlando, I've come to save the day;
I look good in Hawaiian shirts (or, possibly, just gay) -
I took a break from boning 'Lij dressed only in a thong
To come and sing the silly Joey Billy birthday song (tra la)...

S!Lij : *mutters* If only it were true. All right, my go. *steps forward, clears throat, sings*
And they call me Elijah, because it is my name -
I wear worse clothes than Orli, and entirely without shame.
Despite what all the fangirls think, I am not shagging Dom -
Just here to join the silly Joey Billy birthday song!

S!Dom : *shakes head* Didn't even bloody rhyme.

S!Lij : Let's see you do better, then.

S!Dom : I'm saving myself. Next?

S!Craig : May as well get it over with. *deep breath, sings, badly*
My name is Craig Parker - may I introduce myself?
Nobody would know who I was if I hadn't played an elf;
But I'll never be bitter, because -

S!Duck : *quacking in the distance*

S!Craig : *wails* Oh, the siren call of my love! *runs off*

S!Billy : ...uh...anyway?

S!Sean : It's all right, I'll go. *clears his throat in a manly fashion, sings*
I am manly, manly Sean, I'm manly, yes, I am,
For I am built of Sheffield steel -

S!Orli : - with a heart of strawberry jam!

S!Sean : *glares but soldiers on. manfully*
...Tonight I'm getting done by tentacles several feet long,
But couldn't miss the silly Joey Billy birthday song (tra la)

S!Orli : *ignoring the lack of scansion* You are?

S!Sean : *adjusts his trousers in a manly way* Yep.

S!Orli : *mutters* Bastard.

S!Karl : Mind if I...? *steps forward and sings, not badly at all*
They call me Karl, and so can you, and this is my confession -
I do not stalk wild ducks or have some tentacle obsession,
I'm secretly the normal one in this ungodly throng...
But still here for the silly Joey Billy birthday song!

S!Sean : I resent that. Anyway, you're not normal, what about that thing with the cricket bats?

S!Karl : We said we'd never talk about Paris.

S!Viggo : *steps forward dreamily, so dreamily in fact that he falls off the rostrum, not realising he'd reached the edge* *falls over* *looks up, blinking, and sings* I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight - I've never seen you shine so bright...

S!Dom : *stares in disbelief for a second and then swiftly gags him*

S!Billy : *nods* Job well done.

S!Dom : Well well. Viggo knows Chris De Burgh songs. Actually, that's not at all surprising, is it?

S!Billy : Your verse, I think.

S!Dom : Why, so it is. All right. *tugs down his sleeves, coughs and sings*
Oh, my name it is Dominic, as I am sure you know,
And I'm in love with Billy Boyd, and where he goes, I go.
But I will let you borrow him, if I can come along.
Once he's done with the silly Joey Billy birthday song...

S!Billy : *sniffles a bit* How am I supposed to finish following that? I love you.

S!Dom : I know. *waves his hand and there's just a spotlight on Billy* But you hate me, too, right? *grins*

S!Billy : *shoots him a Look* Yeah, yeah, I do. All right. *takes a breath, sings*
So now you know we love you, here's to a brilliant day -

S!Dom : *whispers* Take just a moment to think how fucking gorgeous he sounds saying 'brilliant'.

S!Billy : *ahem* *sings*
- And sockpuppetty goodness is never far away...
Happy happy birthday, let's strike the birthday gong,
And finish up the silly Joey Orli Karl-y Sean-y Ducky 'Lijah Dommie Billy birthday song!

S!Orli : *throws glitter*

S!Everyone : Happy birthday!

S!Billy : *grabs onto Dom's hand and drags him over* He says you can borrow us if you want.

S!Sean : But not me, obviously, I have a deeply masculine date with a tentacle monster.

S!Lij : *grins* And hence not Orli, who will be watching through a hole in the wall.

S!Orli : *mutters*

S!Viggo : Mmmmmph.

S!Orli : Oh, right. *ungags him*

S!Viggo : *gets to his feet* The way of true enlightenment can be found in curves; the soft curve of a dolphin's back, the dipping swell of a moustache.

S!Lij : ...

S!Orli : Yeah, you're right, he was better off gagged.

S!Viggo : *unseen by anyone else, winks at you and mouths 'Happy Birthday'*

S!Billy : *holds out his hands with a grin* All yours.

S!Dom : And mine.

S!Billy : Well, obviously.

S!Dom : Happy birthday. Here's to many more.

What they said. I love you.

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